Well well well…if Florida thought they had shit to worry about, they clearly haven’t seen the contents of a Red British Weather Warning for Wind!! Bloody Storm Darragh came out of nowhere to wreak absolute havoc on the population of the UK…well, most of us anyways.
I’ve been sicker than a 90s Rap group this week (no that’s not a macabre joke on Eazy-E’s demise; I’m not that unwell), but I have been off pace this week and spent most of the week fighting myself from the clutches of the reaper himself. Thankfully I had recovered enough just for Storm Darragh to raise my panic levels to a boarderline tachyarythmia and incite a 36hr panic attack while I play Noah and invite all the animals into our House Shaped Arc…damn I have not been so scared since my first run though a Fright Night Maze.
All this to say, today was a brighter day…though the storm was a not so distant memory (especially with the precarious looking trees; yep more expense), but the sun was shining, the wind was no more than a fart and it was the day to finally collect our Christmas Tree and meet SANTA!!! Damn, ain’t seen him in a week or so.
That’s right, it was our Traditional Tree collection from Gower Fresh Christmas Trees!!!
Right, van decided to play dead again (becoming its own Christmas Tradition), and is stuck in the garage today, so rather than try ram an 8 foot tree in the boot of Debs Audi, we opted to saddle up the Mini and hope to good that Darragh had bugger all right left in him and would allow the trees safe transport to our living room. Yep, we were in for a challenge!!
Roof straps: Check, Kids: Check, Personal lipstick kiss marked invite from Santa with a sultry message: Check…Naughty Santa!!
So, wind our way through the road closures, fallen trees and general post storm debris and arrive just in time for the usual bedlam at Gower Fresh Christmas Trees.
Super duper North Pole entry wristbands acquired. ‘No Wristband, No Entry!’…bloody hell Elf chill out, and put that Candy Cane away, you ain’t gonna scare me that easy. Finally allowed ever to the North Poles hottest grotto, we are met by scenes of Toy Making Elves, and a winter Gruffalo scene before hitting a scene straight out of HHN.
Ahhh, the creepy black-lit snowman mannequin room…damn I’ve done too many Horror Night houses to feel comfortable here…but I eventually made it through and in to meet the Grinch and recreate scenes from Hansel and Gretel with a pop up Gingerbread house. Poor Gray shit himself with the poor Grinch mind, and to be fair, I didn’t really blame him…thought that bugger was another mannequin until her started smiling and waving…creepy as fuck…yeah ok, we’ll have a photo….Smile and Waves kids, Smile and Wave.
Quick catch up with Santas B Squad of Reindeer…Blitzen, Mitzen, Schitzen and Steve. Only fit for meet and greets of over enthusiastic punters elated that the made it past the first wave of North Pole security, but not quite fit for tugging Santa round the world on the ‘Big Night’. ‘Gray Cole stroke the Rendeers Nose, it’s so cute!!’. SIGN: DO NOT TOUCH THE REINDEER!. Fuck sake Jordan…best hope Santa didn’t see that.
Speaking of which…SANTA!!!!!!! Damn this guy was like the nicest Santa I’ve ever met, so good with the kids, and even gave them a present (note, this week we didn’t even have to work for it like Santa last week…winner!!).
Impromptu dance off with one of Santas most enthusiastic Elves and we are allowed to leave the North Pole to choose our Tree…Yay!!!
Here comes the fun; bugger larking around the Wild Welsh mountains looking for the ‘Perfect Tree’…the older we are getting, the more…’oooo this is nice, yeah it’ll do’ we get. To be fair, we had to Turboman fight off a load of Tree hungry punters giving our tree some side eye should we take a hand off it or turn our back for one second….bloody hell, best get this wrapped and racked on the car before I’m forced to take a last stand atop Gower Fresh Christmas Tree Mountain, and leave masses of Christmas Jumper clad parents in a blood soaked pile. DONT TOUCH MY FUCKING TREE!!! DONT EVEN LOOK AT IT!!!
So yeah, we’ve found the tree…and now the fun part…strapping the poor bugger to the roof. The kids make themselves ever useful by doing a grand total of bugger all help, and turn the fuck-a-roundary up to 11. Sit down, shut up and stop assuming to my stress levels…I already have no idea how to work these straps. It’s ok Jordan, you keep messing around with the one strap you’ve completely buggered up…I’ll sort the rest. Bloody hell Team Fletch, get your shit together!!
Finally secure, we re-enter the battlefield for some overpriced toasted marshmallows. Yep, duped by the lies of Grayson that he would 100% finish a trio of burnt sugar, we once again remember why kids should never be trusted when they really really just want to piss away some money.
Another tree to join the already secured roof tree…yeah that was fun and the it was time to head back home.
Surprise surprise we made it…Darragh held off giving the poor buggers a battering, and it was time to start the havoc of getting all the Christmas shit from the attic and making the house a Fletcher Christmas Paradise.
Had a great day despite the fallout from the storm…always love a Day out at Gower Fresh…see you next year!!!
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