Yes, Christmas is edging ever closer, today was one that we were all looking forward to…especially Grandma (no idea why, she was flabbergasted to learn that it was an adaptation of a book/movie)…today we were going to ride the Polar Express to the North Pole in hopes of seeing SANTA!!! I mean, we have already seen him once this week, but nothing like gate crashing him in his own home…Santa, we’re coming for you!!
Paige arrives bright and early with her urinal reindeer…busy night shift on maternity I guess, crafting ‘glitzen, mitzen blitzen…and Rudolph’ (great names Paige, not sure these were the OG’s, but close enough). Pretty ingenious really though, shame Art Attack doesn’t exist anymore, I could see Neil Buchanan adopting them for a Christmas special.
We were all getting psyched up for today’s adventures, Jordan was even ready on time for a change…mainly due to the fact that the dress code was Pyjamas, so she just rolled out of bed and into the car. Pyjamas?! We all have to wear them? Yes the suggested dress code is, but more importantly, we had been threatened by penalty of being on the naughty list by Grandma that we had to wear them…or at least, whatever we usually sleep in. Umm don’t think what I sleep in would be acceptable around children Grams. Fearing jail, I opted to find a onsie from somewhere…though it turned out to be a little less than festive, and a little more ninja. Saying that mind, I did worry about Grandmas choice of clothing; being adamant that she was just wearing a dressing gown…please say there’s more to the outfit Mags, don’t do that to us.
My god, the morning rush to get out of the house was like a scene from Home Alone…well not really, but it was a manic rush that, and we did almost leave Grayson at home to construct some elaborate traps to viciously maim the people that tried to break into Jordan’s Salon yesterday…oh yeah, Jordan had an almost burglary, thwarted by a dog bath…silly people.
Off we go then, few hours trek to Devon…we did have a nice mini bus to ride in style mind…my van has decided to give up on life temporarily, and 6 people in a Suzuki Swift wouldn’t really end well. Quick pit stop for brekkie and coffee…Starbucks as usual (still hoping for some form of sponsorship for the continual plugging). Coffees and Frappachinos all round…oh and cake pops for the kids. They are bloody mad for them, even if Grayson insists ‘I don’t want it…but I’ll eat it anyways’. Well if you didn’t, I know a certain greedy little princess who would…no not you Mags, sit down!
Right, let’s get a move on…”Let’s all have a game who can sleep the longest….
Grandma, Don’t take part, you might win”…vicious words Paigey, it’s something we all worry about, but usually try not to say overtly…yep, try not to ruin the day just to win the game Grams, we know how competitive you can be.
FINALLY!! We are here, and time to don my Pyjamas…great to see so many adults in their pyjamas, I was concerned we may be the only ones…some great festive, matching PJs, and then there was us…the kids has some lovely new festive dino and unicorn pyjamas and dressing gowns, mags even looked the part…the rest of us through, like a rag tag bunch of misfits, too cheap to buy new clothes…yep, Paige wore a random Pig Snuggly hoody, Jordan was dressed as Stitch, but at least the blue colour wasn’t too overt…and me? Well I opted for my bright green, ninja turtles onsie…super festive I know. I had some funny looks mind, I had people dressed as literal grinches judging me…damn.
After a quick rush back to the Van to retrieve the Golden Tickets that we didn’t really need, legging it around the car park like a ninja turtle looking for some vigilantly action, and what we will now call…the Donut fiasco, we were hurried on to the welcome area for the Polar Express…well I say hurried, but mags made a stand and decided to take her damn time!…’aint no one rushing me, me and Santa go way back, and he owes me one’…very cryptic Mags, I’d rather not ask.
Herded like cattle into a tent, we get welcomed by the minions of the Polar Express…a chef I believe, and are instructed to quickly get to our platform. The crowds started to disperse…Alaska grabs my hand and starts to drag me…’We’re gonna miss the train!!’, it’s ok little loo, it’ll be fine. ‘No Daddy, we’re going to miss it, quick!!’. I’ve never seen her so stressed, poor kid was terrified she was going to be late, bugger you Mags; me and Alaska are going to the North Pole…every man for themselves!!
The rest of them finally catch up to us at the station just in time for the train to arrive. Bloody hell this was magic…the platform was pumping atmospheric music and snow all over the place; hell even I was losing my mind with excitement, and Jordan was filling up…and when the train arrived, well the kids faces were pure joy and happiness. Well worth it for this moment.
And then it was time to board the train, and fight Paige and Grandma for seats next to the children…they are ours after all. I did kind of feel sorry for the woman opposite grandma and Paige who looked fuming the whole time she was on the train mind. Yes I know we can be an unruly bunch of hoodlums, but Mags behaves...sometimes.
Off we go, and the train bursts into music and song…damn these people know how to psych you up…the whole train was dancing and singing, the chefs and conductor were running up and down the aisles, we were all shouting our names (no idea why in retrospect but when we are told to do something, we just do it), though Mags did forget her name…no wonder she was getting strange looks from the woman opposite.
Quick call though the sounds they expect us to make when we get to the part where they recall the story of the Polar Express…Train Whistle; check, Steam Engine Noise; check…ok train, let’s hear you Train stopping noise…’who’s making the whistle noise??!!’…Grayson that’s who, called out by the conductor…damn kid, you're starting on the wrong foot if you want to impress Santa.
‘Ho Ho Ho’ … no Mags they ain’t calling you, sit down, they’re just practicing for Santa.
This experience was so cool, we were all loving it so much. You are literally transported through the movie…Hot hot hot hot chocolate time…the train erupts again, we all start dancing, clapping, and singing as we served chocolate and cookies by the singing chefs, so bloody cool, even if poor Mags was drinking hers with the lid closed…hope you enjoyed your imaginary chocolate Grams; Paige open it up for her mun.
Oooo now it’s time to lower the tone. Eerie music adorns the train and the some random trampy looking bloke appears…Grayson shit himself; the ‘king of the north pole’ arrived. Don’t worry kid, it’ll pass and soon we’ll see the main man.
Speaking of which... we’re in the North Pole, and who jumps aboard? Yep, it’s SANTA!! Alaskas face lit up in pure joy and awe…and so did Grayson’s…these moments make it all worth while, and can see why this train is so popular.
While Santa makes his way down the train (luckily taking a while to get to us so Grayson can make up excuses to justify his naughtiness just incase he’s quizzed), the conductor starts our end and stamps our tickets. This guy had mad skills, stamping out names into the tickets; though Alaska wasn’t too impressed at all…”just bring me Santa!!”
Santa arrives, has a little catch up with Mags, and gives us all the first gift of Christmas…a bell. Yep that’s gonna be a fun gift for all the parents travelling hours home in a car with a bunch of bell ridden children. Thanks Santa…there were Bells everywhere, and following a group photo (where again the woman opposite was scarily quick to point out that she wasn’t with us), it was time to Party!! Our final run of singing, dancing and jingling our bells and it was time to depart.
What an amazing experience!!
Back onto the platform for a potter around, and Alaska decides to ‘SUPER PUNCH!!’ Some random bloke in his jingle bells…no idea why, the only explanation Alaska gave was that his kid looked at her funny, and she couldn't risk him reproducing again...Don’t mess with Little Loo.
Best get a nice little pic in front of the train for the memories…yeah, would be nice if some random bloke would have taken the hint and got out of the way…”make sure that idiot isn’t in my photo!”…ok don’t panic Paige, but I think he got the hint now!
Final wander back around the train station, through the nice or naughty scanner…I was nice BTW, and surprisingly so were the kids (Grayson must have used all 3 of his genie wishes on that one)...Jordan and Paige, not so much…bad times, enjoy your coal bitches!!
On to the gift shop to round off the day and buy some ridiculously priced merch…just because we can’t control ourselves…£110 later and we have a few baubles, a cuddle polar bear, a conductors hat and a snow globe…damn you Polar Express!!! Not like we could leave anything behind, not after Alaska lost her mind when I dared take her hat to pay for it.
Bit of food following our spending spree…enjoy the grass in the field kids, it’s all we can afford after your insistence on merch.
Home time, only 3 hours of hell in wet and windy conditions (mags stop ringing that damned bell!!), and finally; home…yay. Time to chill and look through the pics of today, only to find that the Elf took a selfie…hilarious mun, what a handsome chap.
Tired, cold and grouchy after the drive, but what an awesome experience, will definitely be going again next year! Time to chill and watch…you guessed it: The Polar Express!!
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