It’s New Year’s Eve and at the stroke of midnight we all turn back into mice, our cars turn into pumpkins and Alaskarella turns back into a poor little servant girl…Nah she’s always gonna be a princess, and Grayson the not so ugly, not so step brother…fuck it this story makes no sense…it’ll be 2024!!!
Crazy how the week between Christmas and new year has all blurred together…no idea what day it is, and pretty sure I may have eaten some questionable Turkey and leftovers from Christmas dinner. That’s almost a week ago? Are we sure?! Bugger, I may not make 2024.
We’ve had a great time spending it as a family, Christmas Day was mental as usual, and Boxing Day was a laugh, spent down Mam and Dads, catching up with the siblings and playing stupid games like Sweary Bingo and Cards Against Humanity. Fun little ironic fact…Anya, my nearly 19 year old sister who owns said games, cannot play them in completion due to her fear of swearing…hmmm, strange ey?!
Well it could be the fact that she used to swear like a maniac pre 10 years old and used up her lifetime quota? But rumor has it that when she was 10 years old, she was visited by 3 spirits that showed her the implications of her actions, and the decimation of Tiny Tim…since then…not even a poop or bugger has left her lips; not even for Sweary Bingo!!! You’ve really got to admire her perseverance, I can’t get through a morning without a handful of obscenities.
The rest of the week has been a handful or late late nights and late late mornings to the point where I’m worried my weekly work routine will no longer suit me…maybe time to start those 12-8 shifts more often. Though I have been training myself for a return to normality by gradually making my way through 30 presentations I need to mark in the next few weeks…yep get them out of the way before next module starts and I get caught up in the fun and exuberance of University tutorage…go me!
I digress, another late start to the day, another handful of presentations marked, another day of havoc where the kids try their best to tread the fine line between cute happy children and spawns of satan. I genuinely love them more than anything, but kids, if you burst in the office to request chocolate snowmen again I may just have a minor breakdown. What’s that Alaska? You want more chocolate? Ahh fuck it, it’s Christmas.
Speaking of which, it actually isn’t anymore…the chocolates are dwindling, the turkey has run dry and stale…best not risk that anymore…stop bloody picking at it mags! Aaaannnddd I’ve put on about half a stone…bloody Christmas and my lack of self control. This week has been spent rummaging through the cupboards like a truffle pig (or more relatable, a mince pie hunting Mags) every time I dare enter the kitchen. God help me, someone come and empty these cupboards!
Back to realtime though and today. A few hours marking this morning whilst the kids play on Jordan’s last nerve…it’s hanging on by a thread…when does school start back again?! I finish off the festive cheese feast; well not quite, but I’ve given it a good hammering today, assisted admirably by Alaska. “Thanks dad”…umm it’s ok I guess (as she steals cheese from my plate)…you enjoy your spicy cheese babes.
phone rings “open the gate!!”…oh yeah hi Anya, good to hear from you too…Gray, crack the gate open, the rabble are here to return Mags. Like a family playing Hot Potato with an old woman, Mags is swiftly returned to us after a day back at home. At least Grayson is happy, he’s been missing Grandma and her superpower to ignore every wrong move Grayson makes and smother him with good graces and praise. Honestly it gets strange when she escorts him to the toilet adorning the hallway with rose petals.
Mam, Dad and Mags burst through the door making their entrances like Attitude Era WWF superstars…Dad is getting to the point where he’s almost as bald as Stone Cold Steve Austin, and it’s great to see him
embracing it by swiftly downing 2 cans of Coors Light and giving Alaska a stone cold stunner. Fucking hell Paul she’s only 2, give it a rest mun. “PEDIGREE!!”…sit down mags you’ll break your hip mun.
“Oh Anya is waiting outside, she’s got a cold and doesn’t want to bring it in the house”…yeah sound logic, she’s been around you all all day and you’ve just travelled over an hour in a small confined space together, but yeah, germs know they aren’t welcome in the house and anything she’s spread to you guys will not pass the doorway…yeah keep her outside, it’s cold and raining and the car is locked…just bloody come in Anya, I can hear you crying on the doorstep and it’s making me feel guilty. I let her in after about 10 minutes. I’m not all bad.
Half hour later, and a half drank coffee later (apparently Mam can’t even choke down a full cup of coffee here) and it was decided that the Chinese calling mam and dad back home was far more than the thrilling conversation of how we were all having chilled New Years Eve celebrations.
Happy new year guys…now be gone with you, it’s time to take the decorations down…Jordan the grinch had been gagging to do it all day so we could finally start the new year with a half tidy living room. Yeah I’m with her, this place is like Santas toy graveyard and the tree has been losing pines faster than Dad is losing his hair.
Grayson don’t bloody touch the baubles mun…last time you messed with them you smashed them to bits. Nothing makes you lose trust faster than smashing some of your favourite Christmas baubles. Fortunately Grayson got the message…eventually and decided to draw us a few pictures instead…cheers bud, smash art, not baubles!
Just like that, Christmas decorations are down and Christmas 2023 is over. Bad times…only 360 odd days to go.
Time to start ringing in the new year…Jordan had done some shopping yesterday for some party food…enough to fuel the party that Anya pretended she was having just to stop us from spending time with them. Jo wasted no time in cracking on with the cooking…bloody hell Jo, I’ve heard of New Year’s resolutions, but didn’t think you’d start yours 5 hours early. Food goes in the oven and I get guilt tripped into once again playing Arnies part in Jingle all the Way to find some Sweet chilli sauce and mango chutney at 7pm on New Years Eve when the shops are all closed. Long story short, I returned from my escapade with ample supplies…I don’t want to talk about how I got them!
Nice little feast, and feet up to chill with a rum and coke whilst Grayson and Alaska play Ru Paul’s drag race and do each others makeup (I know, I know…we’re a modern family and he can do what he wants)…all whilst Grayson dances along with Dance Monsters…fair play this kid can dance like a demon.
“Oh I think that’s enough Dance Monsters”…chill time is quickly disturbed and the Crazy Frog breaks out and Gray and Alaska frantically dance like maniacs…if these kids manage to stay awake until midnight I’ll be amazed…”Grayson turn it down, I can’t hear myself think!”…”Mam it doesn’t work anyways so why would you need to turn it down”…sick burn Grayson, we all think it, but you can’t bloody say it mun!
The New Years Eve dance party continues and Grayson and Alaska break out some sick moves…literally, Grayson is a class dancer, but not been very well lately, and literally danced until he spewed…it’s ok though, 5 minutes later he’s asking for sweets…go on Kid, the greedy Fletcher genes are still alive!!
Time for a quick family game…’Shark Bite’…Amazon had previously screwed us over and sent the game to us missing all the pieces and sent us a new one yesterday, so time to give it a go…it’s a fun game if you like chancing a new years cardiac arrest…honestly the kids were terrified to play a game where the shark bites your fingers off at random for rescuing his dinner…this followed by a round of rattlesnake Mike meant that we had a laugh though, even if Mags won’t be making it into the new year 🙄
It’s almost midnight and for some reason karaoke time…Alaska hammers ‘Let it go’…I fully expect contact from Disney to appear in the next few instalments of Frozen. Grayson murders a random My Singing Monsters song and I had to join in with a bit of I2I…rocking the Goofy Movie. It was all set to end in tears though as Mags broke into a bit of George Formby ‘When I’m cleaning Windows’…thanks for that Grams, there was no need for that. karaoke time over…Dance Monster back on for the count down, only half hour to go.
Aaaaaaaaannnnddddd 5,4,3,2,1….HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Buck’s Fizz cracks open (we don’t much like presseco in this household), the kids lose their mind…it’s a bloody riot, I can’t believe they stayed awake!! Here’s to a badass 2024!!!
Commenti