Aliens, Ogres and Family | Florida February 2025: Departure Day

Ahhh you know my favourite part about home time?? A turbulent journey over the Atlantic…ahhh the blissful bouncing around 41,000 feet in the air, the potential brushes with death (just being dramatic…hopefully; we’re still in the air as I write this), and the intermittent panic attacks. Yep…I hate flying and this trip home is doing nothing to help me overcome my fear. Calm, Bounce, Panic, repeat…only 4.5 hours left…but who’s counting ey? Yep…every damned second. Ooo, another bump, fantastic…save me little Loo.

Ok so dramatic intro out of the way, let’s get back to what you’re all really here for…seeing how close The Fletchers came to missing their flight on account of squeezing every last second out of a fabulous family vacation. Oh it is a wild story filled with Aliens, Ogres, and of course…Family (not the Fletcher kind though…you’ll see). Ok ok, I’m pumping you up for this now right??…LETS GO!!!…

If you haven’t gathered yet…then I seriously worry about you; It’s home time. I know, I know…we’re all super sad, we’ve all had an amazing time and Alaska is in defiant protest at the thought of returning home…”I just want to stay and always have fun”. Me too little one, but if we were always here, it wouldn’t be fun anymore…lies I tell my children I don’t quite believe myself; I’ve seen the vloggers of Orlando…they look absolutely miserable 🙄

Cabana Bay waste no time in attempting to rid themselves of us with a polite but stern reminder that we can begin check out now…thanks Cabana Bay…after all the money I’ve dropped in Starbucks this week you’d think you’d have been keen to keep me a while longer. I guess the daily corridor race must have garnered complaints and outweighs the pros. I’ll check out when I’m ready damn it…you don’t have to worry, I intend to spend some time in the park today…we’ll be out asap.

First though…Coffee time. Another eternal wait for coffee (they should really start a virtual queue for this… Cosmic Rewind level demand), and swing by to pick up a last minute gift for Jordan. She’d surprised me with a few pressies earlier in the week, but was devastated to have missed out on a Gryffindor flask for herself (I know I know…dirty Potter worshipping Gryffidors). She’d been dropping hints for it faster than Grayson has been dropping bars in his new rap career, so I picked one up for her. Yep…I know, I’m a great husband.

I’d been tricked into the assumption my family would be ready on my return yesterday, and knew better today. Holy hell…Grayson is up and dressed, Jordan is making some form of effort to clothe herself and Alaska…well, she’s flat out snoring away unmoved for anything. Great…we’re half way there…at least Gray understood the assignment. Here’s your pressie Jo, now get dressed…we have a park day to squeeze in. Just leave Alaska behind, we’ll pick her up later.

Ohhh ok, I guess I’ll help finish packing then…for some reason we are returning with 2 full bags of toiletries that we need to jam in to already overweight cases…excellent. Jo, you sit on that, I’ll hold this end down, Grayson you zip it up…Alaska; you keep snoring…you’re doing a great job. ARGH!!! (That’s an angry grunt incase it wasn’t clear)…wait a minute, Jordan, your case zips in half and you haven’t even bloody filled this part!!! Success…thanks Jo, thanks for nothing.

Alaska…move!!! We need to hit the park; let those Fletcher genes take over and don’t waste the day. Definitely her Mothers Daughter…Her poor little legs have stopped working; must be all that lack of walking you’ve done babes.

Finally!!!…finally we make it from the room, final sweep for anything missing under Grayson’s Volcano view fort he’d randomly constructed this morning, and we begin the struggle to carry 4 overweight cases, 4 overweight backpacks, and 4 overweight Fletchers to Luggage drop off. This was made even easier with the corridor assault course set up by the housekeeping team…I guess it must be part of their sport; well they need to find something to bet on now we’re leaving and the twice daily corridor races will now cease.

Painless luggage drop off…actually worryingly easy; I wonder if I’ll get all my bags back? Ahhh, that a problem for a few hours time. Onwards…

Universal Studios for a few last minute rides today then (as chosen by Grayson…bad times kid, you could have had lunch at the Circus). It’s bloody mad here today…like everyone in the Orlando area and beyond decided a random Sunday in March was the time to visit the park. Can’t complain…we were there too. Haven’t seen it this busy all week…took a good while to get in; come on mun, we got places to be.

Oooo E.T. is only a 10 minute wait…let’s get that little interplanetary troublemaker back home to save Deeply Moot Moot once more. Senior Spielberg gives his spiel about E.T. blah blah blah…just get me to the Forrest…I bloody love the smell and atmosphere. “What’s your name please? Dre and Alice?”…nah I know his rap game has been on form, but he ain’t no Dr. “Grayson and Alaska”…please get their names right, we demand thanks from E.T. this time…it all makes sense now.

Lose my nerve at keeping a souvenir interplanetary passport, hand it over and help him home. Lesson learned: avoid the gift shop…no tantrums today; well not from Alaska anyways…I was kicking off at the thought of returning to work on Tuesday. So yeah…as promised at the start: Aliens.

Next up, luncheon at the Ogrey-est place on earth and a couple of Swamp Dogs for our little Ogres. These looked delicious to be fair…a pizza/hotdog hybrid with green cheese (we all remember when purple/green ketchup was a thing right?; well Dreamworks Land basically said “hold my beer”). Oh yeah…I say ‘looked delicious’, I wasn’t allowed any to see for myself; maybe next time.

Quick, distract Alaska, there is no way we’re waiting in line to see Gabby, sorry babes, not in our last few hours. Jordan breaks out into a dance fit to distract anyone…I think I saw some guy push his kids stroller into a post; maybe too effective Jordan, tone it down. Success, we leave Dreamworks Land Gabbyless. So there you go: Ogres.

Next up on our to do list: Finally a Turkey Leg for Jordan. It’s her vacation bucket list item every time, so lunch today was a giant slab of meat: caveman style! Like vultures, the kids soon swoop around for scraps and leftovers, and Jordan obliges…the little Carnivals (that’s an in joke for longtime readers). Like a mother feeding her young last nights kill, the kids are snapping at the bones and tearing the meat like bloody animals…Grayson literally almost took Jordan’s fingers off. Crickey, chill out mun…must be the Ogre influence I guess.

Something a little more dignified for me I guess…time to finally try out the Bumblebee Man Taco Cart everyone raves about. Honestly, I can see why…Carnitas Tacos were bloody delicious. BACK OFF KIDS…THESE ARE MINE!! Ay Yi Yi…delicious.

So, like an hour left…what shall we do kids? MIB maybe? Or something we can all ride?…why did I ask…yep, here comes that ‘Family’ part I warned you of; no one wanted Spider-Man, but everyone wanted bloody Fast and Furious: Supercharged. What have we let ourselves in for?

Never been on it, never had any desire, and after hearing review after review slating the ride, I had pretty low expectations. Well, let me tell you, after riding, I can say my expectations should have been a lot, lot lower. What the hell was that??!! The pre shows were brilliant; hilarious team members and fun interaction…the ride however, well…if that’s family then I want a divorce. Storyline made no sense, ride was ridiculous and the random noises gave me more jump scares than Insidious at HHN 2024.

Getting rid of Rip Ride Rockit and keeping this abomination…poor form Universal. So yeah: Family. See I told you this story had everything.

Oh hell…is that the time?? Quick…back to the hotel…hit the Rocky theme. Go, Go Gadget Legs!!!

With half hour to return before we are collected from the lobby, we leg it as quick as possible, through the Cabana Bay walking path. Sweat dripping everywhere, Jordan’s classic sweaty lip was dripping like a tap, and the kids were doing bugger all to help…well unless you count helping me burn calories; I had to fast walk the stroller back too. The crowds were out cheering us on as we pass the finish line and  burst through the lobby in the nick of time…phwew. Jordan collapses in a heap, but after 3 rounds of defibrillation, finally returns to life just in time to head to the airport. Ok maybe not so dramatic, but where’s the fun in that ey?

Painless pickup of luggage, quick game of luggage Tetris by our driver (you can tell he was a Sega kid; his Tetris game was terrible.  Nice, easy baggage drop at the airport…and breathe.

No Home Alone style airport run today…let’s get ahead of the game. Security is always fun here…funnelling over 100 gates full of people through a few checkpoints is always havoc, made a little less fun when Grayson forgets his name on questioning by passport control. We didn’t steal him, honest…but if you want to keep him…

Successfully navigated; Grayson still in tow, and a quick final stop off at the Universal store to finish off my wallet. Wait…I bloody told you Jordan, there is no store past security in this Terminal…damn, guess I’ll have to save some money for September. Absolutely raging…you must know by now how much I collect merch like Pokemon.

Ahhh, and there’s no bloody Cinnabon here either…Paige is really gonna be fuming with me now; vacation ruined. Auntie Anne’s it is then…not even hungry, but need a cinnamon fix. I’ll just share a load of cinnamon nuggets with Jo and the kids; FFS, they’ve got Ice Cream…man, and I went for a large pot too. Bugger it…diet starts tomorrow.

Starbucks from hell (and I thought the Cabana Bay bucks was bad)…glad I gave an hour before boarding to line up…there’s only 10 minutes to go now. Over embellished slightly…just slightly.

Just about time to get in those Pre flight poops…I’m looking at you Jordan, and we’re called for boarding. Missed our group, got ushered through by the most impatient Virgin member I’ve ever met…honestly she was mental…give me 2 seconds love, I’m not a passport page turning wizard…I’m just a regular old wizard.

Board the plane, kids are chuffed to bits there is a Games console style remote to control the TV; I get worried because it seems to indicate an older plane and therefore incite my anxiety as we prepare for takeoff; Dean hyperventilating into a sick bag.

This crew seem lovely, but a bit nuts…are we sure it’s safe to travel with them? Announcment, Announcment, Announcment, Announcment…it was like a rap battle between the Pilot and the duty manager; enter player 3: Grayson. Sit down Gray, no one wants to hear your raps about farts and E.T.

Announcements cease, and food is served. Pretty decent to be fair…chicken or pasta…or a combination if you had the kids meals; just cheese for Alaska please, she’ll have nothing else.

Here we are then, back to the current turbulent trauma I am going through…oh great, another bump, shake, shuffle of the aircraft…feels totally safe. Mind you, it could be worse…

“Dad…why have you got a gun?”. Wait what? What are you trying to do to me Alaska? I haven’t got a bloody gun, you can’t shout that on here…”yeah you have…YOU’VE GOT A GUN!!”. Holy shit she’s going to get me killed quicker than this plane is.

I manage to talk the Air Marshalls down and they release me from air custody just in time for the lights to dim for a bit of rest…well, if the kids can stop screaming for a few moments anyways.

Struggle to sleep despite the plane not so gently assisting me…great When I do finally manage to drift off I’m bloody jump scared awake by the air hostess determined to ensure the drive home is as traumatic as the flight itself. “Kids breakfast…”; cheers…didn’t bloody wake me for my breakfast though did she…raging, I really wanted that muffin too. Sorry kids; someone ate your breakfast while you were sleeping…it wasn’t me; honest 🙄.

Almost there…thank God. The morning announcement brings a mass rush to the toilet ensues as peoples trust of their bladder fails at the thought of remaining in their seats a for 20 minutes until landing. Second thoughts…Get out of my way…I need a wee.

Ahh what’s few more bumps and vicious turbulence ey? Why break the habit of the last 7 hours. Bloody flung around more than a toddler flings a puppy (not that I’d know, my kids are great with animals 🙄). I’ll be grateful to feel a bit of solid ground that’s for sure. Are we sure the plane should be rumbling like this?

Arriving ahead of schedule…following a bout of mid air doughnuts thanks to the Captains hasty return. I’ll be bloody glad to touch down on solid ground though; as much as I like the imagery.

Aaannndd solid ground…oh thank goodness, I thought for sure we were gonners more than a handful of times. I’m probably being dramatic, in fact I’m certain I’m being dramatic…but I’ve had more fun on a transatlantic flight (that sounded like it was loaded with innuendo). Bloody hell, the team had managed to get us home way too early…we’re left on the runway with no one to greet us, and nowhere to go…great, at least we’re not in the air though.

Finally…manage to wake kids up…kind of anyways; this was absolute havoc…Grayson was not moving for anyone. Mobile steps, then buses (well, eventually. Poor planning Heathrow…Virgin were keen to let us know it wasn’t their fault; don’t worry I won’t be looking for any compensation)…bloody havoc. Absolutely great plan to arrive 40 minutes earlier than scheduled to wait an hour for busses carrying 40 people at a time to the terminal.

Wonderful…nice and simple, just passport control and luggage collection and we’re off on the long journey home.

Been an amazing week away, can’t wait to go back in September.

Oh…Any chance I can get my gun back?