I was the “best Dad in the whole world” this morning…why? Well, you could assume it’s because I’m generally an all round ‘neat guy’ (10 points to whoever got that reference), but no, it’s because I’d booked a morning of family fun at Jump Jam Trampoline park. Gray has been banging on about his desperation go to a trampoline park for all of 24hrs, and so, for a bank holiday treat, I caved and booked a 10am Family Jump session…much to Jordan’s despair due to the earlier than usual wake up. Gray was chuffed though, and paraded me round the living room like a hero…rose petals adorned my pathway as Grayson presented me with the ‘Best Dad in the World…until 11am’ award. Why 11am? Well, let’s find out…
You know it’s going to be a good day when you have to sign a waiver to attend…yep basically, if I’d died, broken my neck or worse…destroyed my pride with a failed backflip, Jump Jam were no longer responsible. Cheers for that, guess the payout for the grazed elbow I’ve acquired won’t be forthcoming…my poor little arm.
First things first, pick up our super special over priced grippy socks…Jump Jam branded, and at £2.80 a pair, these snazzy illuminous socks were a bargain…£2.80 each mind!!!
Anyways, this pain was somewhat subdued pretty swiftly as a vicious trampoline mat head smashing ensured temporary amnesia, and a new lease on life at my survival of a traumatic brain injury…quick Jo check, are my pupils equal and reactive? Good, let’s see where else I can injure myself…Jump Jams waivers were starting to make sense…
Gray was loving it as promised and parkouring like a madman…no wall, bounce mat, inflatable or balance beam was safe…Grayson was using all the skill picked up in his 6 week after school gymnastics programme. Where were these skills when I was invited to watch him last week? He was just about managing a forward roll and star jump off a box...today he’d channelled the spirit of an Olympic gymnast…the backflips and barani’s were taking the piss mind.
Time to knock him down a peg or two…we raced through the inflatable course, and I left Gray in my wake. Victory swiftly turned to failure as the slide was my undoing…leading to Deans second injury of the day. Damn it Dean, you’re 37 this year, calm down mun.
My fitness was once again tested chasing Alaska through the 6 tier soft play area complete with Perspex walkways that ensured Alaska indeed had displayed bigger balls than me. I bloody shit myself at the prospect of walking flimsy plastic 30ft in the air…little Loo laughed it off and carried on as normal…little badass.
A few flips and tricks into the giant pillow...oh and the kids did a bit too, whereas Jordan, ever reluctant to move out of 1st gear took it slightly easier and opted against being trapped in the realms of a 30ft air pillow…smart move to be fair, we were almost trapped in here for the duration of our session.
Wipeout was now open, and myself and Gray gave it a go. Concussion number 3 followed for myself, and concussion number 1 for Grayson as we were battered within an inch of our lives by a pair of violently swinging metal (albeit mildly padded) arms…quick let’s get off while we still can. The rodeo bull wasn’t much better mind…Grayson giving it the big one and lasting all of 10 seconds, Jordan lasting a lot less, and myself bossing it with a near 1 minute time. Bewsh!!!!
Next up, Grayson summoned a round of bravery, and channelled his inner Peter Parker, and gave the Climbing Wall a go. Racing Jordan up the wall was impressive…his failure to shoot webs was not…
To be fair, Jo and Gray gave it a good go, and got almost to the summit before admitting defeat and abseiling back down…Tom Cruising back to the bottom…Mission Impossible? Yep, with this pair it was…
Scaling the summit of Mount Jump Jam had given Grayson a new lease of bravery and the high jump was nothing to Grayson now…3 go’s and he still couldn’t follow the “don’t land on your feet” instruction…he won’t take telling mate, best let him learn through inexperience.
Loo had by now had a fuckfull of her lack of height for the activities and had pissed off to make her own fun and play a bit of Fruit Ninja…she’s an independent woman ai…
Now, time was ticking on, and so was the chance for a Parent V Parent duel…Gladiator style…no not spears, nets and Swords…with padded batons…good enough I guess. Gladiators ready?! Yep, payback time…or so Jo thought…I may have taken things a bit seriously. I wasn’t up for a fourth consecutive concussion. In my adrenaline fuelled gladiatorial blood lust and loss of balance, Jordan suffered the wrath of 17 years of pent up rage…take that babes. Love you really, it was the loss of balance…honest 🙄
Quick bash on the super trampoline…apparently extra bouncy for real life gymnasts, and the bloke who “looks like he takes gym photos”…bloody show off, and then we were done. Time was up anyways, but our bodies were also almost at breaking point. Quick pit stop for drinks and a decompress, and a Cinderella style transformation back from the best Dad in the World on refusal to buy Grayson a shitty vending machine toy…ah the fall of the greats.
Right, since we are here, may aswell get back to the cult and grab some doughnuts and coffee…I’ve pre worked the calories off. White Chocolate Pistachio…fucking delicious. Catch up with the parents at McArthur Glenn, where we spend the best part of an hour battling for a place to eat on bank holiday Monday and playing old woman hot potato with Mags, and it was time to head back home to chill for the rest of the day…bloody knackered, kids are shattered and following a prolonged Power Nap, almost certainly won’t sleep tonight…great stuff. Good day, I’m sure we’ll be back…once my brain injury heals…
Comments