Sundayyyyy!!!! I’m so bloody tired today, busy busy week…must be getting old; 36 this year and my body is starting to let me know 😂…never mind, enough moaning…Jordan is on a seminar this weekend to make the Elsa look more presentable, so we’re part of the team down…time to call in the ‘B’ team…da da da daaaa…duh da daaaah (your all singing the ‘A team’ theme right?)… Paulos being our Hannibal, Saran is mad like Murdoch, Anya would give Mr T a run for his money and of course I’m Face 🙄
Todays agenda…Folly Farm with the Fletchers…Yay!!
Haven’t seen my parents properly since Christmas time so was nice to have a catch up…I guess. They turn up fashionably…umm well predictably late for our day out, we’re used to it by now, and kind of where I get my poor timekeeping from…anyways, the glimmer of Disneyland Paris 30th Merch softened the blow…I’m a sucker for anything Disney, collectible or retro, and they had it all…thanks again guys, buying my love, really appreciate the gifts.
Annnnddd off to the zoo…
Quick stop for diesel and a coffee first though…got to start the day right…40 minutes later and we’re here, got to use our annual passes before they run out in March so will be here quite a bit I think.
Mags is with us, and as a trial run for Disney, Mam had generously let her borrow one of her mobility scooter collection…Some people collect cars, some watches, some stamps (including my dad….nerd), but my mother seems to have a collection of mobility scooters…strange I know, but it’s useful on times…after a quick brief of how to use it, she was off…at a snails pace…just how I remember her driving an actual car…this will be fun…god help us.
First order of business…it never changes…the Jolly Barn…well the toilets first…but then the Jolly Barn…a place where you can see all the ‘normal’ farm animals, but more importantly…a place where children (and my 55 year old mother) can find out what an erect horse penis looks like…and spend ages laughing at it…ffs mun. Quick bit of fake cow milking and a game of spot other animals erect genitalia (spoiler, there was none :( ), and the next order of business was lunch.
The Hungry Farmer it is then…well following a quick schooling of Anya by Grayson in a foot race…he’s pretty fast, but Anya is also super slow…mags even beat her in the scooter…snails pace mun. Half decent food…Alaska and Grayson hammering the Animal Pasta shapes, carb loading following their epic Olympic level race with Anya.
Time for the fun fair…pretty cool part of Folly is the giant indoor old school fun fair…not the best thing to do directly following food, especially since about 85% of the rides spin you violently in circles…but we persevere. Had a great time to be fair, Alaska and Grayson loves the rides…Waltzer, Cyclone, Dodgems…and Muffin the Mule…well Alaska is only little…great fun, the kids were beaming and didn’t want to leave…but ya know, it’s a zoo and there are animals to see…
Off to see the ‘wing wings’…ah I miss how Grayson used to say Penguins, and then flamingoes, giraffes, zebra, etc…ace…out of all these awesome animals, Grayson is still desperate to see the Meerkats…yep, we are lucky enough to have Meerkats of our own, but Grayson still loves watching different mobs when we go to the zoo…to be fair, they’re amazing animals.
Now, today was going relatively well, we were all having a good time and that, but that was about to change…whilst I was quietly ambling around pushing Alaska in her pram, little did I know I was being stalked, stalked by an apex predator hunting down their prey, watching and waiting for the opportune moment to strike…
BAM!!!! ‘Fuck your Dean!!!’…mags comes ploughing into the back of me on the scooter….FULL SPEED….fucking hell grams, stop, take your hand off the accelerator…my cries of pain must have spurred on her bloodlust, there was no stopping her…another full power attack, and I’m down…fuck mags mun, just release the trigger…man down, my ankle is fucked, and mags is professing her innocence…too late mags, damage is done and I saw the joy in your eyes…
To be fair, she couldn’t apologise enough. I though it was comical…well if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry I guess…
“Let me look at your ankle, I want to see the damage I’ve done “….god damn it grams, you don’t have to be so proud of it… “if I was gonna crash in to anyone, I’d have rather it be Anya”…yeah me too grams, get out of the scooter, I may have trouble walking a while.
Luckily we were outside the lions den, which allowed us some rest…so cool, the lions were all indoors and gathered around the glass…amazing animals close up.
As a follow on for todays biology lesson, we stepped up from the looking at erect animal penis, to seeing how they are used…Now this is where you find there are two types of people in the world…those that shelter their children from watching the male lion have his way with one of his pride…and those that film it…yep we’re the latter…the family next to us were embarrassed, and hurried their kids off when they asked what was happening…my dad quickly whips out his phone in an attempt to direct a strange low budget porno…Gray was just super casually chatting about the mating lions…clever kid.
Thankfully that climaxed the most eventful moment of the day, and we have a nice hour or so pottering around the rest of the zoo and having a quick play on the outdoor and indoor play areas…well I say uneventful, but me and Gray did have a slide race in which I lost and had a tantrum…fuming!!
Quick stop around the tropical trails to see the Sloths and Bats, and we’d lost grandma…in all the haste to see the rest of the zoo before closing time we’d neglected her…well I was trying to keep a wide berth from her now, and accidentally left her behind with a dead battery on her scooter…”thank god you found me, I thought I’d be there all night”…calm down mags, your legs do work mind, you didn’t have to stay on the death scooter out of principle.
Quick run through the gift shop…and our day was done…home time to chill for the evening, catch up with Jordan and rest my poorly ankle following the vicious mauling from Mags the Marauder.
Lessons learned…
1. Don’t upset mags, for the most part she’s subtle, but given the chance, she’ll physically attack you.
Grayson is surprising cool with Animal genitalia and animals mating.
Remember to buy a new scooter battery before Disney, I can’t be pushing a scooter around Disney all day.
We had a great day overall…West Midlands Safari next week I think, should be fun!!
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