We were supposed to go to Thorpe park today, but between the shitty weather, being absolutely knackered and needing a lie in, and the fact that in the last few days Hyperia has broken down more than I do on one of my ‘stressed’ days…we opted for something a little closer to home…That’s right, we were channelling our inner Fred Flintstone and hitting up TenPin bowling in Swansea!!!
Oh, did I mention, its Fathers Day too…a day especially designed for me, the toppest Dad in the world. I’m not saying I’m the best Dad in the world or anything, but the monkey cuddly toy I got from the kids certainly did, and so I was riding high on the monkey shaped coat tails of that accomplishment. Thanks Guys, nothing like a 9am morale booster to start the day off right.
I’m damn tired today, and my poor snooze button got a hammering before Elsa had had enough and decided to wake my lazy ass up with some violent Poodle kisses. This both woke me from my joyous slumber and set Jordan into a fit of rage at her dog trying her best to win approval from her ‘Dad’. Bloody Poodle!!!
Some lovely gifts from the kids this morning and a magnificent work of art of a card from Grayson…Van Gough would lose the other ear in jealous rage if he could see it. Very proud, and very thoughtful Gray Gray.
Right, animals fed…eventually. Grayson decided to ‘help’ this morning and graciously added an extra 20 minutes to the routine as he donned his wilderness explorer outfit complete with Machete to make his way through the overgrown forest that has engulfed out back garden…damn I need to get the strimmer out at some point.
Right then you raggedy maggots, lets get a wiggle on!! To the Flintstone mobile!! Time to get your twinkle toes on and join the Loyal Order of Water Buffalos Lodge (if you got that reference, you are damn old!!...I had to Google it for the reference).
Bloody hell, the sun has made an appearance, who would have thought it possible after the last few days of rainfall fit for an arc appearance…maybe we should have gone to Thorpe Park after all. Too late now, best grin and bear the inevitable stress of making our way through a double header of bowling hell with the minions of mayhem…Jordan inclusive.
Just when I thought all kids these days were borderline douche buckets (mainly through the tinted goggles of being parents to my rabble), some lovely kid randomly gifts Alaska a unicorn present that he had won. Yep granted it was because he considered it a girls toy and didn’t want to show any joy in it in front of his crew, but it was a nice gesture nonetheless. If only he’d known of the trouble that would ensue as a result, and the butterfly effect sent Grayson into a tantrum fit for an aforementioned douche bucket.
Following a 10 minutes tantrum and Tai Chi calm down session, we managed to navigate the 100ft or so to our lane where Jordan took it upon herself to rig thr system and try enter herself in twice for consecutive turns. Or so I assume she did by adding her name, followed by Dickhead…she can’t mean me right? Oh of course she did, thanks babes, much appreciated. ITS MY SPECIAL DAY!!!!
Lets do this!! Alaska was hitting strikes left, right and centre…striking more than the poor underpaid Junior Doctors. She needs to be careful, the UK government may have a word. Well to be fair, they were spares, but it was almost as good…for a 3 year old!! Get in there Jo, ‘help’ her out…sabotaging your daughter mun, tut tut!! Man was I glad, we were getting absolutely hammered, and we were spiralling into a fit of bowling induced anxiety and bordering on depression. Get in there Gray, bit of sabotage of the Nij too, shes got enough help with the sides up anyways!!
Round of slushes for the three children then…obviously a manly beer for me; Bud Light!! Awful nice of Jordan to make the kids feel grown up by partaking in a drink targeted at children…mind you between this and her obsession with YouTube Kids, I was starting to get worried.
“Look, theres a dip in the lane!!”…yeah yeah definitely Jo, must be the reason you are in dead last place, the imaginary lane pothole. I’ll get Swansea council out to badly fill that in ASAP. Should be good as new in a year or so. Stop making excuses and take the beating from a 3 year old like an adult. Gutter ball…yep there is 100% a dip in the lane…stupid bloody game.
With this newly gained information, Grayson started a more precise formula for his bowling technique to absolutely zero avail and ended the first game in 3rd place. Alaska won, obviously, and celebrated with a half time pizza party, complete with an eruption of Gangnam Style billowing through the alley and a mid sesh dance party.
Mmmmm cheesy chips and cardboard pizza, delightful. Not quite the deliciousness of Verdis, but it’ll fill the void left by my disappointing first round loss…I should have gone to Thrope Park mun, this was embarrassing.
Round 2, and Grayson shows that men can indeed multitask as he splits his time between bowling and the sterling defence of his Pizza slice from Alaska; he knows what shes like, and once she sees something she wants, there is no stopping her.
The Pizza seemed to just make them stronger…Carb loaded kids seemed to focus their game and soon Grayson and the Nij were hammering us in round 2. Well either the carbs made them better, or the OAP’s of the party were in a cheese induced lull of energy and decided that the gutters also deserved a meal. Yep, we fed them well with me scoring consecutive zero’s and coming in dead last in round 2. To be fair, Alaska’s war cry made me fear for my life should I have a final rush of decent bowling technique, and didn’t fancy taking a bowling ball to my balls. It’s yours Loo, take the win.
Winner buys desert then isit? Cheers Alaska, Kaspas it is…I fancy a nice waffle and ice cream…mmm. Diet starts Monday right? Yep as usual, the kids manage to turn a nice day out and restaurant visit into an hour long Royal Rumble. I love them, I do, but I just wish now and again they weren’t hyped up like they had done a weekend shift in Pablo Escabars cocaine cutting room without a mask. Come on, lets add some sugar to the mix and see if we can get you to run home.
Some delightful overpriced desserts here…hmm a £7 Cinnamon Bun? Don’t mind if I do…£9 ice cream, you enjoy the half you’ll eventually eat Jo...no kids you can’t have Sundaes too, just stick to a single scoop! Yeah Jo, I’ll finish yours, it’ll be a struggle, but I can cope!! Delicious mind.
Quick gander around Swansea and the classhit car show they had going on. Old Fiestas and all that, fit for a Friday midnight Tesco car park session. Don’t know if that’s a thing anymore, but this reminded me of the good old days where groups of youths was formulate a circle of shit cars, pop the bonnets and play some shit bass filled music to demonstrate their masculinity. Yep good to see Swansea had moved these from the shadowy depths of midnight to take their rightful place in the sun.
Browse around Primarni for Jordan to be once again devasted by a lack of Hercules PJ’s and for Alaska to take part on the ‘what not to do on an escalator’ safety training video, and I it was time to call it a day. Coffee #1 for me, and we’re off home.
Had a lovely day thanks to Jo and the kiddies…Happy Fathers Day all!!
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