Ok, so bit of a different day…it’s Red Light Members day at Thorpe Park!! Yeaaaahhh…little bit of Amsterdam in the UK, and at a theme park no less. Oh, umm no, wait…it’s Blue Light Members…I did wonder why the tickets were so cheap…though there were half naked ladies about, part of the Fright Night experience I guess…yes, fresh from HHN this year, we were ready to see how Thorpe measured up…the park was closed for everyone who did not have blue light access, and even extended their Fright Night event onto it…looking forward to seeing how these scare zones and mazes are this year…last time we went was about 10 years ago, and have been spoiled with Florida since.
Aaaannnyways…we were theme parking with our third child today (Jordan is still a little bitter of that remark), so quick pickup of Paigey in Cardiff, and a quick 3 hour journey to Thorpe…Coffee and Pastries fuelled our early morning jaunt…and just like that, we were pulling into the car park ready for opening time…garbed up in our winter gear…a far cry from my shorts and t shirt in Florida, it was time to enter the line to enter the park…my god, this was not sleek…an hour to process through security…crazy…I assume it wasn’t the first day doing it…though it’s not like hospital and police workers deal with guns and knives of a daily basis I guess…though on a regular day, I do handle sharp pointy instruments and help cut people open…and fix them of course.
Enough of that though, finally in…and on to The Swarm…scenes of derelict London and You Me At Six encased the coaster…fun fact…this was apparently based of a regular Merthyr street scene…riot vans, fire engines, general chaos…yep, reminded me of home. 5 minute queue and I was designated as the lone rider of the group as our daughter for the day couldn’t risk the chance of sitting next to someone…well not after the palaver we had when she last sat next to a stranger on Cosmic Rewind…it’s just not worth the rage. Decent coaster…nice winged coaster, but way too slow for our liking…though we had been spoiled with Velocicoaster a few weeks back…did get a nice view of the park from here though, damn this park is pretty compact for the amount of stuff it has here…it’s advertised as an island, and it really comes across as one…but at least I managed to map out our day from here.
Amble through Amity, and past the soon to be defunct Angry Birds Land…bloody hell, how is this still relevant…the 4D show was a skip for us, but a few random pics on the Slingshot made for a good photo op for the children of the group…
Stealth was up next…I like nothing more than being catapulted over 200 feet in the air and shot straight back down…though I imagine I did enjoy it a little more than the guy who foolishly neglected to bring a jacked with zip up pockets…“is it a bird, is it a plane? No it’s some guys keys and phone…and spare change” … keys, phone and loose change sparkling in the sun like a traumatic new star formation…you could almost feel the humiliation echo through the ride cars…poor fucker. Back down on Earth, “oh wow did you see that? It was so pretty sparkling in the sun”…yeah Jo, it was, but you didn’t have to literally tell the guy like it would somehow brighten his day…finders keepers, and Thorpe park had now claimed a new IPhone, Car and approximately 71p in loose change…learn your lesson mate.
Following on from the wonderous sight of Surrey’s version of the Aurora Borealis, Nemasis Inferno was squarely in our sight lines…a ride that warned you needed at least 3 limbs to ride…phwew, thankfully I’d packed my spare arms and legs, though they did question the woman sitting next to me who had her finger splinted…calm down guys, at least it’s still attached to her body, it’s not breaking the rules…madness. We did fancy the front row of this one, but I’m still haunted by Will’s experience from the Inbetweeners and didn’t want to waste my time…pretty good suspended coaster, better than I remember, and a bit longer than the rest…
Damn we're hungry now though, the stress of counting our limbs to ride Nemesis had worn us out…ooo tacos…or not…the only thing we quite fancied was closed and we ended up hammering a few cheeseburgers instead…not bad, but not tacos…fuming.
Rest and digest…little break from coasters to hit up the Black Mirror Labyrinth…weren’t too fussed, but Jordan read it was decent and quite fancied it…long ass wait…not worth it at all…bloody hell this was absolutely abysmal…flashing lights, mirrors, a creepy robot…but absolute shit…how the hell is this so popular, I have no idea…Paul’s Halloween Garden display far eclipses it…but enough slagging this off…it was time for Colossus…
A 5 minute wait time, a 20 year old coaster that rattled as it went along the track…ok, I like a bit of jeopardy, but this was mental…Almost blacked out on the first loop, but the rest of it was decent…4 consecutive loops at the end, and one for luck completed the 10 inversions, which almost felt like when it was being designed (on rollercoaster tycoon), they just chucked in the extra loops to break a record…the skills and design of 20 years ago I guess…WHAT DO WE WANT?…MANY MANY LOOPS…nah, not much anymore, we’re getting old…I thought it was decent to be fair, but Jo and Paige didn’t stop moaning about it for the rest of the day…
Ok ok, let’s head to Saw: The Ride…it’s a good little ride, short and sweet…and complete with a creepy little guy on a tricycle as standard…not Grayson, the puppet…quick poke around the merch store…to be fair, merch is pretty bad here, and off to ride a flat ride for a change…Samurai was down, which was disappointing as Paige wanted to relive her time in Japan, and on to Rush instead…basically a giant swing set…but half decent…though we did witness some poor guy bricking it and praying that it wouldn’t loop like we have all tried so badly to do on the swings at the park at some point or another…don’t deny it.
Following the doom swings, Jordan had treated us to doughnuts…delicious…bloody hell, how many did you get…”well the options were 1, 5 or 10…so I got 10”…yeah obviously…don’t forget we do kinda want to keep the weight off mind…
Walking dead ride next…previously X…should have closed instead of being rethemed…absolutely awful…but did witness karma in action…you can only ride as 2 per car, and not single rider, so had some poor bloke join the party…following the multiple rooms though, a random family of 5 had pushed us apart and we lost our new bestie…so Karma decided to play hell on these guys and split them up between cars and put the dad next to me; despite our protestations to have our original ride partner with us…bloody Thorpe Park…the guy did look awful similar to me though so I guess they just assumed he was my dad instead…strange ey?!
Now we’d been in luck all day, and had managed to get burgers and doughnuts for cheap due to presumed inadvertent omissions by the staff…before we realised our luck was park wide, and everyone was getting 20% off for the event…we felt like fools…better off financially, but fools none the less…oh the hours we spent thinking we’d scored free doughnuts and burgers…bloody idiots mun!
Ghost train had finally opened, and we quite fancied it before all the Fright Night stuff kicked off…luckily we got there early…within 10 minutes the wait time was over an hour, and though I quite enjoyed it…it was not worth more than 30 minute wait…it was supposed to have a good story and good scares…and I can see that, but I think we’ve been spoiled with Floridas scares…we did find it funny to watch people’s reactions to the various scenes mind…the poor kids opposite us were terrified, and we couldn’t help but cry laughing…poor buggers…I enjoyed, Paige and Jo not so much…
Fright Nights was in full swing now, and it was bloody freezing and dark…I didn’t fancy doing much, but heard the Stitches maze was pretty good…bloody hell, we were all really impressed…usually we enjoy the mazes anyways, but after the high productions of HHN, we worries these houses we’re going to look awful…but this was brilliant, and crazy long…lots of HHN influence here with the scares and scenes, and had one of the flashing scares that always gets me…brilliant.
To be fair, all the Zones, houses, merch and food were looking inspired by America, and we already decided that next year we’d come to the full event as they had only out half of it on as it was only for the Blue Light Event.
Deaths doors scare zone…we read it was Doris doors, and thought this suited it much better…Where the hell was Doris though?!…good concept…knock on the doors and see who jumps out…I’ve never been more worried about knocking on a door…well not since I was a kid and had to knock on the neighbours door to ask for the ball that I’d kicked over they’re house back…PTSD for sure.
Last house of the night for us…Trailers…one of these houses that are quite popular now…a trip through the cinema where the movies come to life…why can’t they ever be happy movies?! Why always the horror movies mun…I’d much rather walk through Charlie and the Chocolate Factory than Eight Dolls…a room full of static creepy dolls…what’s not to be terrified of?!
This was a good house mind, very raw, but the actors here follow you instead of just staying in their places at HHN…which makes things feel a little more creepy…who doesn’t like being chased by someone breathing down your neck while you leg it out of the room.
That’s us done…well almost…I did need some merch, and a plush branded chainsaw and flat peak cap was too tempted not to buy…the hell is wrong with me mun?
Paige had been planning this trip home all day, a diversion to Cinnabon…found one…only a few miles away…let’s go!! Through an emission zone mind, ahhh bloody hell Paige, Jordan had a panic on, but we were commuted…Cinnabon was calling…well we thought it was, but turned out it was delusion as we arrived to find it closed…my god, I haven’t seen Paige cry in a good while, but this had pushed her over the edge…between the beating she got on Colossus, the over indulgence of sugar donuts and now the closed Cinnabon she’d been looking forward to all day, I was dreading the drive home!! I guess a Subway, Pizza and Starbucks…and a nap on the way home would have to suffice.
BUT WAIT!!! THERES MORE!!!….almost home and the Mini decided enough was enough and just decided to drop the side wind of the car off…on the bridge…after dragging it was what felt like an hour…we finally did a quick ad hoc fix on the side of the road to make it home…quick pickup of the kids, home by midnight and straight to bed…cold, traumatised and tired…great day out!!
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