So this is it, the dreaded day is here, why the hell did I think it was a good idea to have an adults only trip away…only 5 nights (and it is our anniversary week), but I don’t think my anxiety will cope…not sure if it’s because I’ll miss Gray and Alaska furiously, or because I had to face reality…I’d have to spend time with Jordan…bugger!
Anyways, up at the crack of dawn…well actually a few hours before to do food prep and animal feeds, they joys ey? The plan was to gently slink away, give the kids a little ‘see you in a few days’ hug and kiss and make our way to Gatwick. Kids clearly had other ideas as Grayson was up like a light before I was…I guess he was excited for the 5 days at Grandma and Grandpas…he’s only been reminding me of it for the last week, oh and simultaneously telling me “Dad, I won’t even miss you when you’re away, I’ll be having too much fun”…aww thanks I guess. I am glad to hear that though, I’ve been suffering major parent guilt for the audacity of having a few days of adult only time away.
Oh and Alaska did make an appearance before we left…cue lots of hugs and kisses, and reminders to bring them back loads of toys…yes I know Grayson, I’ve got your list…Sam I Am and 4 other random presents…I got you kid.
Only a 4 hour drive to Gatwick, felt quite seem-less to be fair, and a nice and easy parking…time to show off my newly deck out out suitcase…a bloody poodle cover suitcase…no, not just any poodle…a bloody Elsa cover suitcase…thanks for the gift Jordan…nightmare mun…it got a few laughs, I was raging!!!…fortunately I was able to palm it off almost instantly as check in and security checks were nice and quick and easy…boosh!!
Little potter around and the on to the lounge to chill before we are ready to board…little hot buffet, where I managed to balls up making a sausage and bacon roll for myself and Jordan burned herself on a spoon…can’t take us anywhere mun. Always fun to watch Jordan staring down a group of people on a comfy sofa until they felt uncomfortable enough to vacate…she didn’t even wait for them to leave before jumping in their seat…bloody ridiculous!…luckily the lounges resident general/cleaner was on form to stop Jordan enjoying herself too much by putting her shoes in the sofa and leaving a half eaten mound of hummus behind…nice on butt, someone had to tell her.
Boarding time…best give the kids a call to say farewells and all that jazz…”don’t forget my toys!!”…”don’t forget my toys either!!!”…umm ok will do, thanks kids love you both too.
Nice and easy 9 and a half hour flight…bloody hell, it felt like it would never end…between being at the back few rows of the plane where food was being rationed (honestly it’s like we were given the choice of the rejects from the preceding rows), or the guy in front of me that would randomly surprise me with a hood ole fashioned leg crushing because he wanted to see how far his seat would recline…myself and Jo were continually evaluating at what point we would be priced out of an upgrade for the return journey…movie choice was decent mind…The Flash, Cocaine Bear and Us helped to gently rock me to sleep aboard the turbulence of British Airways…good thing I’m not terrified of flying. Oh, and before I forget, I do have to commend BA on their other in flight entertainment…a pissed up Jordan…yay that half glass of wine really did a number on her…poor bugger.
Ahhh the sweet sound of the plane wheels hitting the tarmac, we were finally here…only 30minutes later than advertised. Time to pick up our baggage and flutter my eyelashes at the people hating customs officers…speaking of baggage, the stark realisation that my case was sporting an Elsa body cover had hit, and I was beginning to feel a little self aware that people may actually believe that I actually liked the poodle and was not just using if for irony…I’m not, I promise.
Ok, all that jazz finally done, let’s book an Uber to the hotel…ahhh corralled by a taxi driver instead I guess then…bugger it he’s here now and I managed to barter him down from his original quote…though he quickly managed to talk himself out of any tip when he demanded he be paid in cash and actually stopped at an atm for me…how kind…bugger it, we’re knackered and just wanna get to the hotel…though I think I’ll stick to Lyft or Uber for the duration of the trip.
Finally here…it was a toss up between Sapphire Falls and Cabana Bay before we finally settled on Cabana…it’s so cool and retro, and really geared up to Horror Nights so think we made the right choice…mind, I don’t think the hotel staff agreed as there appeared to be a problem with our room, so they upgraded us to a suite instead…damn, more than enough room for the kids here…ah well…
Right, quick change and back out we go…a quick little breakdown from Jordan because she forgot her contacts and we were off…I really wanted to hit up the Dead Coconut Club this year, and it’s only open on HHN nights, so tonight was the only chance we’d have…so time to perk up and soldier on…Chuckys Twisted Playground first, some cool little photo ops for Cabana Bay residents, and off for the never ending walk to City Walk, damn we should have taken the shuttle, we’re too bloody tired for this.
Finally managed to crawl our way to City Walk to find yet another photo op directed towards Blumhouse, this was pretty fun little thing to do, and then finally managed the Dead Coconut Club!!! This place was brilliant, the whole place was set up as an after party to a monster movie shoot…props everywhere from the classic universal monsters…bloody brilliant. A few cocktails and the obligatory blindly cups and we were strolling around City Walk with a hankering for some Voodoo Donuts…well I was anyways, Jordan was too busy getting absolutely ballocksed from a few sips of her rum cocktail and was swearing blind that she was about to drop dead and couldn’t seek her arms. It was like being on holiday with Will McKenzie mun…I’m in a bubble, I can’t feel my arms…ffs mun.
Right come on then, let’s chill for a bit, I’ll order a little donut for us to indulge in whilst we wait for your self imposed thoracic spinal anaesthesia to wear off…Memphis Mafia Donut please, my god this was massive!! I did wonder why it was double the price of the others (I just assumed that it was extra delicious), but it was literally as big as my head…and I have a massive head!!! Bloody delicious though, and a stark change from the Vegetarian Moussaka we had been subjected to on the place.
Right then Will, uh I mean Jordan, can you feel you arms now? Are you finally able to walk? (She doesn’t walk on her hands by the way, she was just struggling with to picture a world where should could walk without violently flailing her arms apparently)…great, let’s get the water taxi though, that walk won’t do your arms any good Jo!
Ah the water taxi only goes as far as Sapphire, but don’t worry Jo, I am a human map, and despite never being here before, I know where to go…no, no I didn’t…but we did finally make it home, after Jo finally asked for directions…oh the shame.
So here now, been awake more than 24hours, absolutely shattered and ready for bed with the following life lessons.
Pay for premium seats or prebook seats with BA…don’t chance it.
Always prebook an Uber.
Always order the Memphis Mafia Donut…it’s huge and delicious.
And…always see if they give discounted rates for cocktails in a shot glass…it’s all Jordan can handle.
Sleeps now ready for Islands of Adventure tomorrow…Velocicoaster here we come!!
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