I LOVE BOXING DAY!!!

Bloody hell…blink and you would have missed it. After months of prep and stress ready for the arrival of the Big Man, Christmas Day has been and gone (well, to be fair I’ve been so disorganised this year that I hadn’t really caught on that it was Christmas until mid December…I blame the retailers for starting on November 1st). The kids are already back to playing hell, fighting and having tantrums (mainly Alaska to be fair); but they do have another 364 days to make up for it and play a last minute swoop for the nice list once again…but that’s next Christmas’ problem. I, on the other hand, have a solid 7 days of pondering where the hell I am going to store a room full of toys and games before I go back to work. Nothing like wading through piles of toys to get to some form of seated comfort; now I know how Luke and Han felt in the Star Wars trash compactor scene…half expected Jabba to pop out and try collect a bounty. Speaking of which, who’s got the celebrations?? (Get it? Like the chocolate bar?…ahhh whatever). The only time I’ll allow myself to binge chocolate despite the hate and self loathing for doing so…fatty fatty Dean (I have put so much weight on already this week, but if it’s there it will tempt me so…).

Anyways, enough of my gibberish…it’s Boxing Day, and in typical tradition…it was time to visit the Temu version of the Home Alone house. Each of the 5 Fletcher clans converging on our ancestral home for a few hours every Boxing Day to feast on the bounty prepared by the Fletcher head chef…the man known only as ‘Bald Paul’. Today’s feast, freshly hunted Wild Boar with a side of Venison and other seasonal offerings prepared in the stately Fletcher mansion. Bloody hell Dean what are you banging on about? A glass of Rum and Coke and you’re rambling all sorts of rubbish and digressing from the Home Alone joke. Ok, back on track…you know the opening scene from Home Alone where it’s absolute fucking havoc and people spill milk, eat shit tons of Pizza, and generally fight and create mayhem…yeah, that’s how Boxing Day in Mam and Dads house feels; complete with random police/robber. Honestly though, if someone decided to try rob Mam and Dads, they’d soon turn back and possibly leave a donation on the way out.

Ok so here we go…following a much needed lie in after a night of Alaskas overtired, overexcited tantrums; up, dressed and ready to go. Right Dean, be good, you really have to remember not to swear. Not that I worry about Mam and Dad, we are way past that by like 35 years, nope my littlest nephew Atticus has been spared a life of shits and fucks and blow me’s as yet (hoping someone gets the reference), and I use them as day to day language (this blog is heavily edited). Fell at the first hurdle…sorry Kie, I’ll rein myself in.

Arrive and greeted by a light show Clark Griswold would be jealous of…we may have all left home (well all but the biggest kid of the lot of us), but Paulos still ensures our house is seen from space. I guess it’s a sort of homing beacon to make sure we don’t forget where we grew up. Here we’re go…let the madness ensue. Bloody great to see the family mind and watch Gray and Alaska play and cause absolute havoc with their mischievous little cousin. They had such a good time and bloody love him.

So yeah, the kids were spoiled once more by their Aunties and Uncles, but Grayson was quick to remind Dad of his promise of more presents once we had arrive at Fletcherville. Chill Gray, last thing you need right now is a big back of chocolate…let’s have some dinner first.

Yes yes…Bald Paul cooking up a storm…sweating absolute buckets; half in stress, half in absolute exhaustion from mass cooking for a family of 15. What you doing Dad? “Ahhh my secret ingredient…just wait ‘till you taste these bad boys”. Funny enough, sweat marinated roasties weren’t what I had atop my Boxing Day food craving bucket list, but damn did they taste good. “Wait until you see what I put in the cheesecake”. No thanks Anya, you can keep that one…I’m sure Mikey will indulge. Ok so I’m just lowkey slandering Paul and continuing my Boxing Day gibberish fest (Anya not so much), he does a bloody brilliant spread and food was delicious as always.

The seating arrangements were much to be desired though. Mam and Dads house resembles that of the Weasleys;  a mish mash of collectibles, memorabilia and nostalgia with a sprinkling of madness…all to do with Dads job studying Muggles for the Ministry see. All to say, between the mass of Anya’s Christmas pile (still keeping the traditions alive…no present moves from the sofas until the new year), and general Christmas havoc, the seating was split across two tables in two different rooms. Fuck knows what if done wrong mind (perhaps the continual blog slander?), but I was proper Ross from Monica and Chandlers wedding screwed over. Segregated with the kids, Mags…and Anya. I’m sorry Dad, please let me in the big kids area, I won’t rip into you delicious, delicious cooking anymore. Suffice to say I remained…bugger. Nevermind, just pass the food and let me wallow.

So yeah, delicious food, decent company. Back to the story…

Kids ate half a chicken strip and a few slices of Turkey each before deciding that sitting for food was an unnecessary burden and eating (check my pun) well into valuable fucking around time. “FUCK THIS!” Atticus cries as he leads the charge from the table to start the Boxing Day onslaught on Anya; wait…isn’t he the kid that never swears? I think I’ve been duped.

Cries of war and pain erupt from the corridor as the 3 From Hell enact Grayson’s battle plan on Anya.  “I LOVE BOXING DAY!!!”…bloody hell mun, he’d been saying for days that he couldn’t wait for Boxing Day to beat the hell out of Anya. Apparently he’d been granted permission from Dad and fully intended to utilise the privilege. No idea what he was planning, but we had to take a knife, a set of nunchucks and crowbar out of the kids backpack when they left home…and Anya thinks I don’t care about her. Thank me bitch, I’m the reason you may live to see 2025.

The kids finally reappear blood stained and wearing Anya’s scalp as a trophy just in time for dessert.  A few Profiteroles and a Peach Gateaux later and the kids were finally over their Boxing Day bloodlust as Anya makes a miraculous recovery to stumble back into the room to show off her selection of Christmas Candles and chocolate Perfume…resist the urge Annie (it did smell delicious though).

Think we were all pretty knackered still from Christmas Day though…no Boxing Fay board game havoc this year…the Kieron v Mam boxing day cheese incident still lives long in all our memories and is the pinnacle of family board game rivalry; it was a block of cheese to the head incase anyone wondered…it was hilarious if not an attempt at borderline patricide.

Had great fun, and good to see Alaska leaping to the aid of Kieron when he had a Brady episode due to his extreme fitness. Thank gos she was on standby with her new Doctor set…scared Kieron’s heart rate back up. Time to depart now, see you all next Christmas. Quick stop and Deb and Chris to drop off their presents and back home just in time for the kids to be flat out sleeping for a few hours…before Grayson awakes demanding we do his Beast Lab Creator (something I royally buggered up by showing my manly prowess and neglecting to read instructions.

Alls well that ends well though, we did it and now we’re off to bed.

Nighty night….Happy Boxing Day :)