Bit of a strange one today…Jordan was off galavanting with her favourite child (spoiler…its Elsa), and I’d spent the morning refreshing some animal enclosures, and making them all snuggly for the Winter (this was a hell of a task that had me mentally and physically breaking down by mid-morning).
Anyways, kids spent the last few days at Grandma, Grandpa, and their carer and favourite child Anya’s house, dosing themselves up on full fat pop and endless supplies of choccies and sweets. Diabetes? Nah, its Christmas!!! Only half serious, they’ve reigned back on the old sugar doses since Grayson almost became a borderline diabetic. Probably should add, that’s a joke…just incase anyone suspects Mam and Dad of Augustus Glooping my children…like they did with me, and Kie, and Paige, and Mikey….and Anya 🙄
I digress…Today was our final chance to meet Santa before the big day, and the kids final chance to convince him that they belong on the Nice List. Best of luck with that guys, I think its an accumulative thing over the year, but who knows, you may dupe him. Yep, we were giving the Tower Grotto at Zipworld a go this year. Following a dismal display at Big Pit last year, we decided to stay above the ground for our trip to the valleys, and give this a go.
Surprisingly I got there way ahead of time on threat of death and addition to the Naughty list from Mags (again, following our dismal display at big pit last year where Me and Jo were a smidge delayed and missed out on the Toy Mine). Mags though had clearly not given the same treatment to Dad. Only 30 minutes later the B team arrive and trundle our of the car equipped with a half dressed Anya ready to intimidate her way onto the Nice list, and maybe win a pair of trousers from Santa for Christmas. If the image hasn’t hit your mind yet, Anya forgetting it was Winter in the valleys had come ready to meet Santa in a Festive Jumper and very little else…fuck sake mun.
Feeling a little left out, and fresh from freeing house elves just in time for Christmas, Grayson presents himself starting the shittest new fashion trend (well technically Harry Potter started the trend when he fucked off Lucious Malfoy and freed Dobby), and brings the sympathy vote to the Nice list endeavour by only wearing a single sock. WTF, why has he only got one pissing sock on?! Nevermind, roll your trouser leg down and hope no one notices…Don’t let Santa see this Gray, apparently he shares the Malfoy’s view on House Elf Slavery…don’t even think about chucking random socks at Santas Elves, he’ll be raging.
Right, enough of the wardrobe malfunctions, on with the show. Checked in, and ushered into the show building. We are soon called upon by a group of Elves and ushered into another random room where the kids are asked to fill out a wish list of Christmas presents designed to make parents sweat at the last minute wishlist the kids decide they now want for Christmas. Sorry kids, I have a string feeling you may be a little disappointed this year if you now decide you want Snowflake Makeup and a couple of Pugs…FUCK!
Yeah, the makeup I may be able to accommodate, but how the hell am I going to get rid of 2 of the dogs to make room for 2 Pugs this close to Christmas?...at least give be an extra month of so Gray. Spoiler…as much as I would like a Pug, I think we’re good for animals for the foreseeable.
Christmas list…Name, Age…Naughty or Nice??? Oh shit kids, you can’t lie, but you cant tell the truth either…its like Sophies Choice (but minus the Nazis and actual threat of death). The kids opt to sweat it out and blatantly lie to Santa, and hope hes so overwhelmed by Anya’s outfit that he overlooks the deception. Ok, here we go, lists complete, Dean sweating at the lack of presents actually on the lists, and we’re off to see the Welshest Santa known to man. Damn, this variant of Santa was full on Valleys, but he was damn good. Didn’t even flinch when Anya sat on his knee.
Fortunately the kids managed to make their way on the Nice list and were presented with a special Santa gift of generic wooden puzzles and a dinosaur torch…hmm, Grayson was bloody raging; whats the point in pretending to be good just to get a bloody wooden puzzle??!!
Fuming and in a Grinch like rage, Grayson pals up with the actual Grinch who is randomly roaming around, winding the kids up and freaking the hell out of Mam. Fear not Saran, I’m sure he’ll leave us be…nope; made sure to stay with us the whole damn time we were there. This guy was good mind, the kids bloody loved him, and Saran and Mags couldn’t stop flirting with him…must have been the long fluffy fingers or something….strange people.
Anyways, the fun didn’t stop with Santa and a bit of Grinch harassment. We were now treated to a few warm Mince Pies and a cup of Stone Cold Hot Chocolate (yeah I know that sounds like a pretty badass woke generation WWE champion, but in reality, it was a pretty shit beverage). Aside from the shittest cup of hot cholocate the world has ever seen, we had fun making baubles out of slate and marker pens. Mam took it way too seriously, channeling her inner Elf and going hell for leather on making a half decent bauble fearing Santa’s wrath. Apparently there was a competition on (well there wasn’t, but apparently it was in Mams mind) for best bauble, and the Fletcher Clan were really doing a good bit of bauble decor…unfortunately for them I played a blinder and slammed out a cracking Grinch bauble that brought a tear to the real life Grinch’s eye (guess he must have felt like a king undergoing a banging self portrait).
So yeah, that’s about it…met Santa, harassed by The Grinch, had some shit hot chocolate and made a few baubles…half decent.
Off to see Moana 2 this evening and get robbed by Vue for a few drinks and some popcorn…class.
Christmas soon…Yay!!!
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