My god I’m tired…but today has been soooo good…Merry Christmas Everyone!!!
Ended up going to bed last night at around 3am…back up for 6am…the joys of Christmas ey? Now I know how my poor dad felt when we all got him at up 3am Christmas morning…payback is a bitch I guess.
So Jordan took kids to settle down in bed last night at around 10pm (they’d slept on the way home from the meal and were super wound up)…they ended up settling finally somewhere around midnight…likely because they could hear ‘Santa’ on the doorbell emptying Alaska castle from the back of the van.
Speaking of which…the despair I felt looking at the what felt like a million castle pieces at 12am on Christmas Day was a highlight of my evening…what the hell was I thinking?…a giant princess castle, that needs to be outdoors…and it’s pissing raining…tonight is going to be fun…
So struggling through I felt like I was on ‘the cube’…fuck that’s a blast from the past, and I was losing lives every time I ballsed up one of the 6 castle pillars…fortunately Phil Schofield wasn’t about this evening, and I had unlimited lives…just as well, I was struggling…luckily Jordan turned up in the nick of time when most of the task was done to take some of the glory…2 hours later and we were basking in the purple/pink glow of a badass princess castle…ok, let’s grab the poodle and show off my new villa…perfect princess as I am.
Castle done, Santa drops off kids presents and overindulges in the cookies and milk the kids left out for him…bastard even stole our mug…or so Grayson assumes…robbing bastard, and time to go to bed…ahhhhh nope not quite yet…I had a date with a Turkey…that bugger was getting a stuffing!!!
Yeah so now that’s all done, and I’ve stuck my hand so far up a Turkey that felt like the ventriloquist from the panto…ahh you should have seen our duet of Fairytale of New York…delirium at its best…and the world will never know…
Anyways, bed, finally…alarm set for 6am to do the animal feeds and check how Steve the Turkey was doing…after all, best get up early, the kids were so excited, they’re sure to be up soon right? Ya know, due to the pedigree of early risers in the Fletcher family.
So here I am, doing all my tasks, animals feeds, food prep, taking Steve out of the oven, prepping the dining table…basically doing all manner of noisy shit, and the kids are still fast asleep…I guess I should be grateful? But I’m still a big kid at heart and I like being up early Christmas morning…now don’t judge me too much…a certain 30 year old cousin of mine that had been faking illness for the past few days to avoid panto still gets a Christmas Eve song sang to him whilst he tootles off up the stairs to bed…his poor kids have to put the presents out for him…some people ey? … bugger it I’m off back to bed!!
8:30 and I hear Grays door open…completely avoiding his stocking full to the brim…”daddy, I slept in my room all night, I know it’s Christmas, but can I just have a quick little cuddle?”…aww kid you melt me, of course you can…10 seconds later…”ok dad, can I see my presents?”…haha yeah, go wake little loo and get your stockings first though bud…he was so good with his little sister…waking her up gently and bringing her stocking with him…such a good kid on times…in comes Alaska half asleep, but with her new ‘Frozen’ crocs on…she loves these so much that she insisted on sleeping in them…and has literally worn them aaaallllllllll day…ace.
Did you hear Santa Kids??…’yeah I heard him last night’…little bugger is on to me haha…so stockings open, lots of chocolate…well there were other things, like traditional junk toys and that…but all Alaska could focus on was ‘I want chocolate’…bloody hell loo, it’s like 8:30, leave it until at least 9am…let’s go see if Santa has been!!!
On they go, shaking with excitement…Alaska almost shook the handfuls of chocolate she was carrying into a million pieces…she was gonna make sure she got some…has he been kids??…OMG he’s been!!!!!
The kids identify their presents and so the havoc commences…wrapping paper everywhere, and I’m having a full on anxiety attack at the mess my beautiful clean room was now in…GET THE BAGS!!! now begins the traditional wrapping paper bagging…our recycling team around here must love a post Christmas waste collection…poor fuckers!! It’s funny mind, whilst Grayson is tearing at the presents like a mad man looking for the Golden Ticket to the chocolate factory, Alaska is a lot more subdued, presenting her paper in little piles for collection…nice to see the neat freak that Myself, my dad and Deb shares has been passed down to one of the kids…Grayson gets his habits from Jordan clearly.
What was a very nice, jovial and peaceful morning to begin with quickly descended into the expected havoc, with the kids stealing each others presents in an effort to ‘help open’ the others gifts…oh and they both lost their shit when they saw the castle btw…vindication of our efforts!!…can’t wait until they can use it in summer 😂…bloody weather!!
So yeah, after a present or two, Alaska decided it was break time and went in hard on the kinder chocolates…we literally had to hide them and hope that she wasn’t part truffle hound…thankfully Nanny and Bampy arrived to break up the Christmas chocolate hunt and cause even more havoc…nice to see you guys, but you can fuck right off with that giant carriage you’ve got for Alaska!…haha this carriage is HUGE, and not weatherproof, so now we have this vehicle sitting in the middle of the living room among all the other toys and a tree…brilliant…to be fair, it’s awesome, the kids love it, and Alaska looks so damn cute with her little cape riding it…I’ll forgive you, thanks guys, really appreciate it.
Bacon sandwiches then guys? Ace, I’ll Chuck the bacon on…here you go Chris…’what no coffee?’…umm ok yeah, my sandwich will go cold, but anything for the long coated Jaguar driver…here you go buddy, Bon appetite…’any desert Dean?’…knew I shouldn’t have given the servant the day off, bloody Christmas generosity and all…lesson learned.
So Gray and Alaska tear through their presents, opening literally 80% of their toys…bloody hell kids, take your time and enjoy them…don’t they know how Christmas works?? We’ll I’m my house when we were kids, we’d open our gifts on day one…stare at them lying on the sofa for the next week, and then maybe start to open one or two in the new year…that’s normal right? Nah we were a strange bunch I know.
Lunch time then…Steve the Turkey is all ready to be centrepiece, and all the rest of the meal is prepped and steadily getting ready…nice, smooth and painless…brilliant, i can’t deal with any stress with this today…we’ll kind of, midway though cooking I hear Jordan screaming…’fuck Dean quick come help!!’…yep, the kids had gone full on devils rejects and driven the carriage into the tree…quick save the Disney Baubles!!….
Fuck I cooked way too much though, like I cooked for the 2021 fat people Fletchers and not the Fletcher family 2022 version…Jordan with like a 20% stomach, the kids being quite fussy (well apart from broccoli and chocolate…not together kind),Mags only pretending to enjoy my cooking (she’s enduring well), and me on weight watch…we made a good effort, but I guess that’s our food for the week sorted…btw, I joke, my food is amazing and I swear my dad refuses to come to mind for Christmas dinner because he’s afraid of being usurped as the best Fletcher Christmas chef…prove me wrong Paulos!!…oh and for anyone wondering…I found some crackers and didn’t have to reuse last nights hats…SCORE!!!
Absolutely rammed, and in a food coma…Chuck in Harry Potter while the kids dick around some more…’Ho Ho Ho’….awww shit, uncle Mikes here…’here you go Dean, here’s your present…it’s a bit shit’…umm thanks buddy, I love a gingerbread candle, so this is actually pretty good to be fair…thanks for the forewarning though…nice to see Mikey, and have him regale us of his night before Christmas…that ended in a comatosed mess in my parents bathroom, vomiting over Anya’s new Christmas blankets, and completely fucking up Anya’s Christmas Eve plans…brilliant Mike, glad to hear you never change.
Off he goes then, and along come my parents and Anya for Christmas number 3 for the kids…fuck these kids as spoiled…and so are me and Jo to be fair…quite lucky I guess between all our parents and family. A few games of buckaroo, and I can hear Grayson tearing into Anya for cheating…damn you should be ashamed for firstly losing to a 4 year old, but more importantly being found out by him…the shame, the shame…poor Alaska is knackered love her and has tapped out for a few hours…crocs off and into bed…you’ve had a busy day looloo…have a little sleep babes…
Chilled out, uneventful evening, bit of FIFA 23 for me, World of Warcraft for the nerd, and Bluey for Gray…and she appears…with her trademark crocs adorned…brilliant Alaska…glad you remembered to dress appropriately….she is obsessed with them…speaking of which, nice to see Grayson being all metrosexual and utilising Alaskas downtime to play with her toy handbags and lipstick, driving to the shops for some way over priced cheese and bread (where the hell did that shopping list come from??….MAGS!!) in the carriage…ahhh kid, you can be whatever you want, I just love that your happy…
Anyways, we’ve had a brilliant day, and this year Jordan actually got presents…it’s a sore subject that we tend not to talk about…all together now…AWWWWW…poor bugger, I was a tad neglectful last year because we had bugger all money, and may have thought it was a good idea to spend the excess we did have on an Occulus, thinking we’d both enjoy it…yeah, I kinda misjudged that one…see I’m not always a winner
AAAAAAAAANNNYWAYS, yeah this year has been better, made so special by our wonderful children…they have been amazing, and loved every minute of it, and made it all worth while…absolutely knackered now, and chilling before bed.
Thanks so much to our wonderful friends and family for the gifts and love, really appreciate it.
Hope you’ve all had a blast, and spent some quality time with your families…Merry Christmas from the Fletchers!!
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