Ohana means family. Family…it’s time to get up. Who’s stupid idea was it to book a 7.30 Ohana reservation this late in the holiday? Anyone?…oh yeah, that was my idea…bloody fool. Absolutely knackerdoo and totally zombified we finally get up and somehow navigate our way to the Polynesian Village resort…home of Lilo and Stitch!!!
Damn this is a nice resort…throwing off all sorts of ‘Dean could never afford to stay here’ vibes. To be fair though, with the kids as mental as they are, that’s a blessing rather than a disappointment.
Checked in, and plied with POG Juice, Pineapple-Coconut bread, and a fresh fruit basket (what’s the point?), the characters soon make an appearance. Before we are even able to sniff the delights that befall us, Stitch it out wiggling his butt about and generally making the kids look like well behaved children. Great stuff, cause havoc and move on. Stitch was fun, and damn near gave me a heart attack when he appeared on my shoulder. Ahhh!! Last movie about Aliens I watched, the humans didn’t fare too well. Like a rapid fire character meet gun, Lilo, followed by Mickey (in his jazzy Hawaiian gear), with a Pluto chaser. Mental…the meets felt a bit rushed, and didn’t even give you time to catch your breath or even start your food (Alaska was fuming), but they were fun to meet. They even gave a little dance around the restaurant. Gave my thighs a battering in the space of 20 minutes with the amount of sitting/standing required…no one tells you this when you sign up. Pleasantries settled, photos snapped, characters shoes critiqued by Alaska…right, let’s make a dent in this breakfast…looks bloody delicious. By now we had also had a skillet of sausage, ham, potatoes and eggs, accompanied by some Stitch and Mickey shaped waffles. Thank god Alaska was with us to get our moneys worth here. This is served family style and is technically all you can eat, but after half a skillet we were done. Alaska on the other hand, not to be bullied by Ohana’s eagerness to evacuate us from the restaurant, quietly hammered the food, making full use of the 75 minute table time. Oh I would have loved to have seen her at the Crystal Palace…but let’s not dredge up traumatic memories of the past.
Made friends with a lovely family next to us too, bonding over our children’s love of playing games on our phones rather than taking in the ambiance of a holiday destined to bankrupt me, they kindly gave the kids a handful of pins to start their pin trading journey…so yeah, that’s something we do now. Another thing for a Dean to collect? Damn, the ball has started rolling now. This was so nice though, there are some lovely people out here, and the kids have been pixie dusted so much they’ll be farting sparkles for weeks.
Overall: Ohana…food was delicious, character were great, and the setting is amazing (views for the castle 👌), buuuuutt…comparing to Topolinos, they rush through the characters like they are going out of fashion (I guess Stitch only has a few minutes decent behaviour in him, and Mr Mouse has a tight deadline with all the other cross property breakfasts he has to attend), it’s more cramped, and they are awful eager to get rid of you here (maybe it was just us…I’d want to get rid of us too).
Ohana’d out, and on the road to becoming Disney pin traders extraordinaire, we decided to pay a visit to Disney springs for an hour or so…what’s wrong with us? We’ve barely been here. Fantasia x Pleasing? What’s this? Everyone is in line to disappear through the pop us adorned with a velvet curtain and gate security…this must be a big deal. No idea, let’s just follow the sheep and line up. Apparently Harry Styles has a clothing brand now? Who knew? He’s partnered with Mickey to exploit the masses once more (I thought he drew the line at stealing a living ‘singing’; I kid, I actually quite like Harry Styles). Nice collection, apparently a few rare things that everyone wants in here…god knows. Shirts and sweaters looked half decent, but at $185 each, I’d rather spend the money of some other Disney branded rubbish…like food or something crazy. The kids did get their nails painted though (who am I to judge? I’ve had purple nail polish on my toes for weeks now), and spent a good 10 minutes then nagging for some overpriced sparkly polish…nope!
I knew the Dead Coconut Club was a bad idea…never should have taken the kids. Apparently Alaska has now turned into a Vampire…a Vampire with a unique disability. The sun don’t kill her, it just stops her legs working…”you have to carry me, the sun…it’s too bright” (I hope you all said that in your best Dracula voice). Yeah this was a strange turn of events…quick I need shelter, I have a vampire in need to some shade!!
Following a Vampiric tantrum because she couldn’t build an Ice Cream Lego mini figure or take a picture with Spider-Man, we eventually cured the curse of the vampire, and met up with Santas younger brother; Philip who serves us at the Christmas Shop to whispers of “you ask him Alaska”…”no you do it Grayson”, They think you’re Santa…nope, just his younger brother who reports back to him. See kids, in trouble now ain’t ya? Been acting like a pair of coked up vampires round here…Philip is on to you…and stop snitching on your sister Grayson, Santa hats a grass!!
We’d promised the pool today, but time was running on and we were getting a bit tired and needed a bit of rest before Epcot this evening. Fancy some Ice Cream kids?…the vampire agrees to an resounding dismay…”Oh no you’ve just ruined the pool!!!; She takes so long to eat”. Yeah, I get you there, Grayson has become the personification of anxiety and has an obsession with milling around half naked amongst 100’s of people in a vat of water in the Florida sunshine. Panic not Grayson…the pool awaits. Donuts instead I think then…at least these done melt faster than a Vampire in direct sunlight…watch out little Loo.
Everglazed to check out the selection, pick out some huge donuts and pack up to go back to the room to indulge. Quick, back to the car before they melt…A/C on, donuts saved…phwew!! Ohhh it’s Virtual Queue time…Cosmic Rewind, he we…oh, no…small technicality, we need to be in Epcot to do it…balls!! Sorry Gray, maybe tomorrow…or not, depends whether I’m able to open my eyes long enough to book it.
Finally…eating the donuts faster than I’ve seen any kid eat a donut, we donned our sparkly red pool shoes, clicked our heals, “there’s not place like the pool, there’s no place like the pool”…wait a minute, how did we end up here? Disney magic!! Alaskas slow eating habits aside, we made it to the only place Grayson has wanted to go this holiday (mate, you’re at Disney…priorities!). Hour or so in here, showered, changed…failed at a game of Ping Pong (we aren’t a sporty family at all; hand eye coordination of a naked mole rat, and athletic prowess of a sloth). EPCOT!!!
My God, Epcot is on a madness tonight…almost like it’s a Saturday or something. It’s mad here, my Saturday nights way back when, was a night out in Merthyr…Florida residents do it a little better; Drinking around the world at Epcot!! Yeah that’s cool and all, be we have free healthcare and a decent living wage, so I guess that’s the trade off…
Honestly, lines for the food booths were almost longer than the lines for most of the rides…want a Gyros? An hour wait…Living with the Land? 5 minutes. Crazy…give me that Gyros! Me and Jo planned a little differently, hit the booths with the lowest lines and just deal with whatever rubbish they were peddling. Bit of sparking wine from Italy and a Stein of Weissbier from Germany…that’ll do. Lightweight kids had fallen at the first hurdle…the sight of the masses of Epcot had caused them to fall into a drunken stupor…which we took full advantage of, posing them with the wine glass and Stein for future embarrassment. Don’t worry kids, there’s plenty of this to go round with the parents you have…
Bullying the kids awake, we caught up with Anna and Elsa. Alaska loved the attention, but it was all a bit frosty for Grayson…he didn’t wanna go near Elsa. Poor little thing, all shy and tired. Awww…
Now fully awake…wait. Nope Alaska’s sleeping again; we made our way to grab some festival faves from last trip here…The Fry Flight and some Yuca fries from Fry Basket. Greasy, truffly, bacony, sweet potato-y deliciousness. GET IN MY BELLY!!! Yeah this was delicious, and very filling (well to be fair, Jordan had already treated herself to a shrimp skewer from Aus.
Time for a few rides, God knows we’re ain’t getting anything from the food booths now..The Seas with Nemo and Friends. Travelling through the big blue ocean, Alaska wakes up long enough to help chase Nemo into the huge aquarium. Dolphins, Manatees, Sharks…blew the kids minds. So amazing to see the awe in their eyes and watch the big smiles on their faces as they see some incredible sea life. Bit more Disney magic there.
Soarin’?…quick quick, we need to hurry, Fireworks start soon. Fun little ride that helps to enhance my fear of heights and flight as we travel the world in a few minutes, destroying the landscape as we go…no wonder the world is angry at America. Not a great ride, but fun enough, Grayson was bored though, and I was eager to get off….distracted by Grayson’s fidgety antics in line, I missed the safety brief and inadvertently gave myself a child’s harness…the irony, I can no longer have children as a result (if you know, you know).
“Quick, I’ve got us a table…it’s filling up here”. Balls, quick Gray, leg it…using all the energy we had left, we run like we are being chased by a pack of hungry Vampires spurned on by nightfall and bloodlust, and eventually find Jordan and Alaska…no one around them, not busy at all…just thirsty. Ok I’ll get a few cokes for us and some chippy chips for little Loo. Cracking view of the fireworks…no wonder no one was fighting Jo for this spot…there a bloody big tree in the way, and a Duck revolution going on. Spent the duration of the nighttime show watching the fireworks through the gaps in the tree line and fighting off Ducks from stealing Alaskas fries (by now they had got their mates and amassed a small army). Wouldn’t have it any other way…well, maybe I would have, but seeing the kids faces, all smiling and covered in ketchup…well that was priceless.
Show done (it was ok…no Fantasmic, but ok), long assed like for Skyliner and back to the room. Rinse and wash out Mickey Tye Dye shirts (bath is now pink…please don’t charge me for that Disney), and a quick in room midnight engineer visit to sort the air con (I know, sounds more like the start of an 80’s porno). Time for bed, absolutely shattered.
Last full day here tomorrow…back to Epcot!!
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