Ahhh I love the smell of farts in the morning…wait, no I don’t!! Nevertheless, that was the mornings alarm clock, the sounds of last nights Margarita pizza escaping from Grayson’s ass…cheers kid. Right, gas masks on, up we get…yep, for once I agree with your morning tantrum little loo…
First up, last to get ready…there’s a turn out for the books; had to chuck some makeup on ready for the morning flight. Speaking of which…ah great, BA finally had a flight set to depart in time (or so we thought…that’s a story for later though.
Reverse Tetris then, the joys of undoing all the strategic case wizardry that unfolded yesterday eve…I do like this hotel, but damn this room was tiny. Comfy beds mind, I don’t mind the trade off for a few hours decent sleep. Case trolley loaded to a height eclipsing that of Everest, and equipped with Jordan’s bright idea of using the buggy to carry a case rather than children (amazing what a good nights sleep can do to her ingenuity ai), we were soon on our way; though the kids were fuming they now had to walk rather than being transported in luxury, whilst taking part in the Bloc Hotel corridor Demolition Derby (coming to a screen near you!)
Out the lift, and manage to plough the suitcase death machine into a load of armed police. Apparently they had heard there was a chemical weapon originating from the 5th floor…no one told them it was Grayson’s morning farts though. Stand down guys, I’ve cleared it with a good ole fashioned window opening. Alaska, stop stroking that police dog…poor bugger has a job to do and you’ll get your Alaska stink over that very sensitive nose. To be fair, the police were great and let Alaska off with a warning…Jordan wasn’t so lucky though, she was swiftly tasered (a tenner well spent).
Collect boarding passes, and away we go to drop off case mountain and pay the piper for the already overweight cases…nice one Jo. Got away with it this time, but I dread the return journey. Case drop was a loooooooong line mind, best get used to it I guess though, good practice for Disney (luckily we snagged Universal fast passes though the premier room booking hack). Poor little Grayson showing weakness early on in the vacation has already began complaining of tired little legs. Get used to it kid, this fortnight is gonna get bad, fast 😂. At least Alaska isn’t complaining…she’s too busy staring at the other passengers chocolate like a stray dog after a few scraps of chicken from the local kebab house.
Finally front of the line, and off to drop the bulk of the baggage. Great interaction from the Ba check in staff here, really attentive with the kids, let them have fun and was just an all round great start to the day…
Security next, and Jordan decided that she wanted a little early morning touchy feely and accidentally forgot to remove her metal hair clip…Jordan put your clothes back on mun. To be fair, barring the brief internal examination, security checks were relatively brief and painless…
Just in time for a quick Starbucks? Ahh BA flight departure delay…yep, Starbucks brekkie time, fruit toast and cake pops all round…need my coffee fix, even if it did come with a side of Alaska legging it out the exit and into a busy terminal…nice one Alaska, don’t you want to come to America? Thank god Jordan spotted her or she’d be lost to Gatwick and destined to spend her days recreating Tom Hanks role in The Terminal.
Plenty of time…best check the app to see when we are boarding. FINAL BOARDING?! Holy hell, family…ASSEMBLE AND GET READY TO RUN LIKE ITS ROPE DROP TIME!!! The next few minutes were a blur…literally, never seen Jordan run so fast, and Grayson was leading the line, tackling everyone out of the way between us and gate 27…the last gate at the end of Gatwick. I thought I was relatively fit, but a half mile sprint with 3 backpacks and Alaska weighing me down had me gasping for breath like an asthmatic in a vape convention (I’m sure said conventions don’t exist, but it’s to make a statement…I was buggered). Think, Home Alone 2, but we kept an eye on our kids. Anyways, thank god for Grayson Bolt, single handily getting to the gate quicker than Barry Allen, and turning on the old sheepdog eyes (I know it’s puppy dog eyes, but Grayson is different) to keep the gate open long enough for us to Indiana Jones our way through the gate. We did have an absolute bollocking from BA gate command though. Sorry sir, won’t happen again, at least not for another 2 weeks anyway.
Thank god, made it just in time, plane was about to take off an all…umm, no, no it wasn’t. Despite the vigorous telling off for being late, there were still passengers boarding after us, and the little snafu of an electrical fault in the plane that meant we were delayed by over an hour extra…thank god I’m not a nervous flyer, that would have terrified me for the 8.5 hours journey…oh wait, I am terrified of flying, and this did not help my anxiety at all. Apparently a problem with the left Falange or something (10 points if you got the reference). To be fair, the delay did give us chance to assess Jordan’s physical health following her flash like run…put the paddles away guys, she’s ok.
Take off finally, and Alaska celebrates with a bag of Malteasers, chased with a bag of M&M’s…a 3 year old on a sugar high on a long haul flight…what could go wrong??!. Despite a cheese induced tantrum, where the second meal omitted a cheese side dish, and her general dislike for anything in cheese related, she was pretty good, and Grayson was amazingly well behaved. Fair play, impressed kids.
Finally landed, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief as we escape death once more…though at times, the turbulence had me converting to every religion I could think of…think I even prayed to superman at one point (did I mention I hate flying?).
Ahh, I hate this part. I just want to leave the plane and enter the hotel room without the middle man, but noooo, apparently that is bad etiquette or something. So yeah…here we go, Bag collection, Security, car pick up. 3,2,1…GO!!
Bag collection gave Jordan the opportunity to flex her guns and show the whole of flight BA2037 what she was made of. Flinging suitcases around like no one’s business. Shame none of them were actually ours, and I had to calm down several angry passengers whose bags she had damaged in her Hulk style power play. Elsa eventually turns up…not the actual dog, the next worst thing…her face printed all over my suitcase! Anyone would think I actually liked the dog or something…oh the shame. It was all going so well (barring the several shredded suitcases), so well until our stroller arrived…missing the rain cover. Apparently BA had other ideas for our beloved, previously unused rain cover, and opted to leave it back in Gatwick…useless buggers. Super helpful airport staff though…nah didn’t thing you’d believe me either. They honestly don’t care, and barely summoned the will to give a shit to radio their colleagues unloading the plane. Cheers guys…kids, you’ll just have to ride the storm out.
On a positive mind…and we really needed one. Mobile Passport Control is an absolute game changer…saved at least an hour waiting in the passport line, and made us feel the full on VIP experience, complete with death glares from the other passengers who clearly had not inadvertently stumbled upon the god send that is the MPC app. Fun as ever passport control, but they let us in to the country with minimal hatred today…I consider that a win.
Alamo car pick up, and a quick bit of extortion. I’m certain the app was advertising car seat hire for $20 less than I was actually fleeced for, but hey ho, holiday money ain’t real money is it? Take my $80, take it for a seat I could have brought from the UK for free. Anyone else want fistfuls of cash to trade me for something I already own? Nah, I’ll save that for Alamo.
Stressed, and still hurting from the $80 car seat debacle, we pick up our beast of a car…I say car, it’s more a monster truck (though Alaska still prefers our little battered Ford Transit). Poor girl ain’t used to luxury, she’s been slumming it too long. Always the same, I love Florida, but have the tired drive to the hotel post arrival. Always knackered, and adjusting to the road systems blows my mind and incites a stress filled maniac who blames everyone but himself. Blazing through several toll booths gave my anxiety an absolute battering, eclipsing in a crescendo of paranoia when we ran a cash toll booth…with bugger all cash. Cue an apology email, the hope they chuck it on my Alamo tab…expecting a huge bill at the conclusion of the vacation (that’s a future Dean problem though).
Quick stop in Walmart to fuel up on supplies of Mountain Dew, Cheetos and Pringles…a quick celebration dance from Grayson at the sight of many many Pringles flavours, accompanied by raucous applause from regular shoppers not expecting to see a half asleep 6 year old busting out the floss and doing the worm up the crisp aisle.
Finally hotel time, only 3 hours later than anticipated…and Grayson was in a fit of anxiety at the thought we may not make the pool closing time. Caribbean Beach Resort is our home for the next few weeks…navigation of this resort was a challenge in itself. It’s bloody massive, and harder to navigate with tired eyes in the darkness of night. We got there though, check in was super easy, and we were off to the room. Aruba, middle of the resort, which I’m sure will suit us well…but we’ll see.
Lightening fast change, and it’s off the the Pool. Thank god, I thought Grayson was about to have a full on break down. To be fair this pool is amazingly themed, and pretty decent too. Kids and Jo to the pool, Dean to pick up our resort refill cup and a cheese pizza for the self proclaimed ‘Queen of Cheese’ Alaska. We had great fun, and watched the Epcot fireworks from the vantage point of the top of the slide. A great end to a long day.
Back to the room chill, shower and sleep. Busy day tomorrow…HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS!!
留言