It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…and it sure does feel like it too…where the hell has December come from?! Feels like we’ve only just got back from Halloween…and BAM!!! Mariah and Mikey Bubbles have awoke from their 11 month slumber to wreak havoc and ring in the festive period…yay!! To be fair, it is my most favourite time of year…well aside from the sub zero temperatures and ever dwindling festive finances. But yeah, it’s December, advent calendars are 4 days old, and today was time to see Santa (mine and Jordan’s first of the year, and the kids second), and pick up our Christmas tree!!
It’s a Monday, so Grayson tootled off to school for a few hours begrudgingly following a morning shit fit because I had failed to wake up when it was still dark outside…it’s my day off kid, I know you like the mystique of being up when the sun would rather sleep, but I’m bloody shattered…snooze that 7:30 alarm I think…and the 7:45, and the 7:50, 8:00, 8:15…ah balls, best get up then. So yeah…tantrums and a frantic rush to get to school on time…made it…see you in a bit bud, have a great day!
Food prep, animal feeds, animal cleans, hot tub refil and clean and time to chill before heading off to meet the big man.
Alaska, ever the poser had donned her most recent festive gear, and made sure I noted to occasion and posed for pictures of the ‘Christmas princess’…yes you look incredibly cute, but you’re so conceited it’s unreal Loo Loo…wonder where she gets it from 🙄. This was further confirmed with random phrases thrown out through the journey to see Santa such as “my head is beautiful”, throwing shade at Grayson out of nowhere…keep being you Alaska!!
Anyways, we were in a bit of a pickle…my van had recently failed its MOT, then following the shittest early Christmas present to myself of £950 worth of work to then pass the MOT (without any advisories I may add)…it was now having engine issues…delightful. It is running half decent most of the time though, so due to requirements of tree size, I opted to chance the Van whilst Jordan and the kids (and Magaroo) took the mini to meet me and Santa at Gower Fresh Christmas Trees…
It’s our yearly tradition…harass Santa and his Elves whilst ambling through the North Pole, see some reindeer, and then pick up a tree.
Dodgy Van arrived in plenty of time to pick up the wristbands grant us safe passage to the North Pole, and was ready to greet the rest of the crew on arrival. Few pics of the kids as Santa and Elf, with a guest appearance from Mags (who claims she remembers the first Christmas) before heading to the grotto to meet up with Santa.
At the gate, an elf greets us…Grayson waves his flashy bright yellow wristband in their face…’take me to Santa you damn dirty elf!!’…he didn’t actually say it, but you could see it in his eyes…panic set through the elves mind and in an effort to appease him, a blast of snow erupts from the ceiling…the kids dance in the scattered corpses of snowmen as if it were some sick ritual to transport us to the North Pole…Ok ok I digress…back to reality…bloody snope!! It gets everywhere, but the kids loved it…well Alaska did eventually, she was raging before she realised it was fake snow.
On we go through the North Pole grotto…it’s always the same with subtle differences, but it doesn’t stop us taking the same photos…it’s like our time capsule and mapping of the kids growing up at Christmas time…precious memories.
Few pics in front of the igloo scene, the grinch, and some penguins that Grandma tried to steal…naughty Margaret!! Carry on and I’ll tell Santa!!
As we traverse the scenes of Christmas, we get struck with fear as we enter the Northern Lights corridor…throwing off Horror night vibes with a snowman tunnel…there is a scene in every horror house that always gets to me…statuesque figures standing either side of you as you walk through them, only for one or two to be real people…and this tunnel was throwing off flashbacks of HHN32…Grayson was bricking it more than a Lego man after a strong curry.
Finally we were out of the torment and back to happier times, lighter scenes of gingerbread houses, a giant advent calendar and Sven pulling a sleigh…of course we had pics in everything…and Mags was front and center of them all!!! Childish bugger, I know you’re excited to see Santa, but you ain’t getting a present!! Ok maybe I’ll buy you a maccas later if you behave.
We’re here!!! Another flurry of snow erupts overhead, we almost drown in suds of snow, and I can see bugger all through the sheer volume of snow engulfing us…we get led to see Santa, which following a few bumps into the wall due to lack of vision, we eventually meet.
The kids are in awe of the magic…it’s Santa!!! Like...here!! “Oi…you! Here!!”…oh, it’s sassy Santa…better do what he says Gray, this is the guy that determines whether of not you get a present, and he seems like a badass.
“Have you been a good boy?”…Grayson shit himself…he looks across to me and Jordan…his eyes say ‘please don’t say anything Mam and Dad’, his mouth says ‘yes of course’…bloody liar, but we’re not snitches, we ain’t ratting our kid out…he’s been fabulous Santa…doesn’t break dance in class when he’s supposed to be learning or anything like that…Gray stop dancing around Santa, he’s gonna catch on!
“And Alaska, have you been a good girl?”…’No!’…you got to love Alaskas honesty, admire it even…sassy Santa had met his match…’oh and I saw a reindeer weeing’…yeah clean up your reindeers piss Santa, or get the damn eleves to get to work…Alaska is fuming.
Meanwhile, Billy Elliot busts some moves, dancing around Santa…check out my floss!…fuck, someone chuck on some Elton John and we’ll all have a party!!!
Right come on, pick your presents and let’s leave Santa to recover…see you Christmas Eve bud, best get some rest.
Ok so let’s go get the tree…normally we spend ages milling around to find the perfect tree…this year, maybe due to laziness, or maybe because we spotted the perfect tree from the off…we were done in about a minute. We got it, the perfect tree…’right Dean, stand guard whilst I scout around for a better tree’…Jo this one is great, let’s just get this…Go find a guy…nah bugger it, I’ll carry it…a statement I soon regretted…this tree is huge and heavy as hell. Not even sure it will fit in our house, but go big or go home init!!
Finally get it netted, and following a full on national lampoons moment where mags almost wears the tree as a hat, I was full on engaged in a Rocky 4 training montage carrying this monster of a tree back to the Van that I had strategically parked what felt like a mile away…well that’s a bit dramatic, it was in the overflow carpark…Hearts on fire rang through the airwaves, the tree took its place on my shoulder and I was away…DRAAAAAGGGOOOOO!!…bewsh, back to the van a breathless mess of a person, but the tree was loaded.
Back to look around, ooo a Christmas arch, what a lovely photo opportunity…Grandma can you take a picture of the 4 of us please? ‘Yeah of course’…no, no you can’t, well not anything above the neckline anyways…fortunately a bystander witnessed the foot photography and kindly offered to take a picture of us…Mags comes flying in for a family pic…and ah I get it now, Grandma was punishing us for having a pic without her…ok you win.
Almost time to leave to begin the trauma of decorating the house for Christmas and unloading the tree…but not before…The cake tantrum!!! Yes Grayson had eyes up some decent looking confectionary on offer and had a breakdown at the thought of not sampling what essentially turnout of to be a slightly oversized French fancy…umm ok, if it means that much to you I’ll get you one, and of course a little something for me too…nice one Gray.
Time for home, and an excited phone call from Jordan…’tell me haven’t left yet…there’s a lorry that tried to go under a bridge and had ripped the top of the trailer off…it’s crazy!!’…ummm ace, not one to take pleasure in the misfortune of others, but it was pretty mental…some guy had literally forced their lorry under a bridge too low for them and torn the trailer to bits…bad times man.
Back at home, and up the attic…Christmas decs down, tree in…stand does not fit…damn, maybe I should have listened to Jordan when she literally said this would happen…nah, I’ll just cut the base off and ram the stand on…now only to find a saw…bloody hell, no idea where I have hidden my saw from myself, but the evening descended into using a circular saw to slice the bottom off this tree and hammer the base to it…only to find it still I’ll fitting and wonkey. Ah screw it, I’ll fill the bowl to the top and anchor the tree to the curtain rail, that will solve the issue…I hope.
Alexa…Xmas hits!!!! Let the decorating commence…the kids were obviously banned from touching any baubles with a remote chance of being smashed and so following several touch and go moments, were temporarily banned from the living room for tree decoration to be done safely…phwew…I only managed to damage on thing, our Disney tree topper…I am raging, but it still looks decent.
Ok Gray, there’s plastic baubles for you to help with now…’CALL ME HAM!!’…umm ok Ham, can you help us please?
Strange kid…so Gray and Alaska helped a little, the tree and living room are now decorated to our usual standard, and Christmas has began…yay…only 3 weeks left!!
Maccas for tea (as mags had earned it), and a jaunt to Mam and Dads to borrow Anya’s car until the Van is fixed.
Late night, long, fun day…Santa was great and Sassy and the kids had an awesome afternoon/evening…Jordan not so much though, she’d lost Whamageddon on day 4…bad times :(
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