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Writer's pictureDean Fletcher

Shoes and Donuts…if Carlsberg did Bank Holidays

Updated: May 7


So after a month of busy Sundays, we had a pretty average weekend this weekend…Misadventure wise anyways. Though me and Jo have now began trying our hand at TikTok influencing…our 132 followers are lapping up the shit vids and HHN guesswork. It’s a work in progress…gotta start somewhere right?


Jo and the kids hit up our residence in Folly Farm yesterday where despite being overly paranoid about Jordan not losing the kids in the play area…she lost Alaska in the play area for all of 5 minutes and decided to cut their trip short. Guess I was just the right amount of paranoid then…lesson learnt, and we still have two kids…wooo!!!


What to do? What to do? I mean, it’s Bank Holiday Monday and the stars have aligned to give us a collective day off…yay. Though now we are determined to find something fun and exciting (and blog worthy to do). The mumbles was a choice, but weather was pretty overcast this morning, and the Mumbles really needs a nice day for us to visit. Off the table for today…more a summer day out. Our Merlin passes were void for today, we had cheaped out and not sprung for the platinum pass, so Bank Holidays are beyond the limitations of the poor people’s Gold Pass…damn.


MacArthur Glen then…bit of outlet shopping, food and maybe even a cheeky donut or 4. Why the hell not init. Wait a minute…why the hell is Elsa being readied for a day out on the town? Come on mun, has the cloud shaped, unicorn haired dumbass really got to come??!! Apparently yes, yes she did need to accompany us. Apparently having a vicious guard dog accompany you was routine for a day out in Bridgend…seems legit, nothing more intimidating than a Poodle sporting a collar akin to 80’s gymwear neon pink and green.


Lazy ass morning, chilling, sorting animals and all the usual jazz and out by 12pm for a few hours. Traffic was bloody abysmal, you’d swear it was a Bank Holiday or something. Was regretting this already, but was getting more and more please we had given the Mumbles promenade a miss. We later found that half the car parking there was also closed, which felt like a little more vindication despite my disappointment of missing out on a proper Italian Pizza and Ice Cream…hmmm. Summer days.


Crikey (always said better in the late great Steve Irwin’s accent…obviously), it’s busy as hell here…why is every bugger (and their dog…Bridgend rules) out shopping here? After pissing away a good 15 minutes playing car park roulette and Tetrising the van into the smallest space I could find, we were on our merry way to spend our Bank Holiday ignoring most of the shops in the centre (partly due to not being not stylish enough to wear most of the brands, or due to not wanting to spend upwards of £50 on a t shirt). Fuuuucckkk…was it Christmas already? This place was busier than I had ever seen it, guess everyone must have taken a look at the weather, gave a resounding “Fuck that!”, let out a disappointed grown and headed for a day out shopping.


“Dean, go get Elsa out of the van!”…yep just what I wanna do; be seen in public showing her mild affection…what will people think of me? To be fair, the neon pink and green collar swayed me, and before I knew it me and Gray were strutting through MacArthur Glen to adoring fans eyeing us up like a pair of catwalk models…or they may having been looking at Elsa…nah!


Was nice to bump into our number 1 fan, Helene though (shoutout), who entertained the kids for a few minutes whilst we gathered our sanity…well until the kids saw fit to start running in circles for some unbeknownst reason…time to move on.


Ahhh the Van’s store, home for us wannabe skaters pushing our late 30’s. Even this was mental busy, the kids played fuck, but I did managed to piss away some money on a few pairs of shoes and a snazzy little jacket…Jordan did buy me and Gray a pair of shoes too for Father’s day…god knows what Gray had done to deserve a treat, he’d been his usual cheeky little bugger self…


That’s our usual limit to shopping done…we love the Vans store, and at a pretend discount for outlet pricing, it’s worth the drive. That and a trip to Wagamama…bloody love this place. Don’t like the huge queue outside though…bollocks to that, the queue to Five Guys is marginally shorter. £40 worse off and with only 2 burgers, 2 hotdogs, regular fries and a drink to show for it, we fight through the vast crowds of punters willingly separating themselves from their money for an overpriced (albeit delicious) burger and mounds of peanuts to fine a few seats to perch upon. Honestly, this place is mental busy, crazy expensive, and instant death to anyone with even a mild peanut allergy, but we bloody love it…and always fun to watch Alaska struggle to eat a hotdog and then take a chunk out of my finger whilst I help feed her…greedy bitch! Grayson meanwhile hammered his hotdog in a manner than made us question his sexuality…hmm. Whatever you wanna be kid, we’ll still love you.


Right, it’s almost 4pm, and we’re in Bridgend. That can only mean one thing…WHO-CULT! Despite my desperation to lose the few pounds I’ve recently put on, I can never not visit WHO-Cult Donuts and piss away yet some more money on a few doughnuts and a coffee. The kids love it, I love it, and even Jordan loves them…Elsa too. 4 Donuts please…tea for this evening sorted. Quick coffee, few pics, Elsa Paw-sing outside the store and repping the cult, and we were done with today’s incredibly brief adventure on the way to pick up Grand Magster Flash from Quakers Yard.


Nice little potter for a few hours…Normal service is resumed next week. Alton Towers is the plan, whether we go or not, who the hell knows.

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