Ding Ding, round two! Yes its day two of our Legoland trip, and the big mans 6th birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAY GRAY…where the hell has the time gone?!?
Busy day ahead, more Lego based shenanigans in the money pit that is Legoland. Best give Gringotts a quick visit before breakfast I think. Up way too early for a ‘holiday’; 7:30 alarm to wake myself, to be awake enough to wake the rest of the rabble at 8…yes its complex, but if we don’t stage a wake up like a military operation then we’d never make check out (and that would give them more of an excuse to charge me £20 for a few minutes past checkout time…we’ll explore that later though).
Alaska decides to wake up with me, phwew, one less to wake up, so we chill for a bit in the bunk beds watching Scooby Doo…not quite the same as old school Scoob, but I’ll allow it. Great to see the kids used the bunk beds they had been so desperately excited to have in room…so excited that they kept them perfectly untouched by not using them. Yeah thanks for that guys, nothing quite like a pair of sweaty kids draped over us to help us have a restful nights sleep…you’re lucky its your birthday Gray!!
Up you get then you lazy buggers!!! Its time for breakfast. We had a packed morning planned and a tight schedule to keep: Breakfast 8:30, Pirate Splash Pool 9:30, check out 10…which I had managed to get pushed to 11…or so I thought.
A surprisingly unenthusiastic Grayson is awoken from his slumber finally and begins the days task of opening birthday cards. I think the poor bugger had exhausted his birthday energy yesterday and was in full on grumpy teenager mode…bloody hell Gray you have a few years yet, lets not get a 7 year start on it, lets enjoy this!! Ok ok, my pep talk did the trick and he was tearing through the cards so quick that he ended up looking like a contestant on the Crystal Maze with all the money flying around him…thank god Mags had gone full on Grandma and taped 3 £1 coins to his card; that would have caused some injuries…mind you I did get a paper cut from a stray tenner.
Dressed and ready to hit the day, and armed with a t-shirt declaring his newly acquired age we headed to Bricks Family Restaurant for breakfast. Couldn’t wait to try my Weeta-Bricks and Full English Block-fast…well you try thinking of Lego food puns then!!
This place was pretty well themed, Lego chefs and all…mental. Love a themed eatery, lots of cool food themed Lego everywhere (as you’d expect), and some nice food options…it was bloody manic here though, super busy, and we got a little neglected. Come on mun, we have Pirate Splash Pool reservations and a check out to meet!! Finally we order our hot breakfast options…pancakes with a side of pancakes please and off we go on a tour of the restaurant. Food was lovely, and the staff were great; we found this across the whole hotel to be fair, the staff were all very welcoming and great with the kids (I suppose it’s the wrong place to be if you did hate kids mind). Grayson also took every opportunity to let everyone know it was his birthday in the hopes of more free stuff as he had become accustomed to since his freebee birthday brownie and pop badges yesterday. Its not always like this bud, you win some, you lose some.
Ahh pancakes are here, Me, Gray and Alaska had opted for a carb loaded breakfast, we needed the energy after a busy day trekking across the massive expanse of Lego yesterday, and build (ha) ourselves up for another fun filled day ahead. Jordan had a full English, which I feel was a mistake as she had the energy of an 80 year old for the rest of the day.
Alaska, that’s not how you eat pancakes, well not conventionally at least. She had channelled her inner Heston Blumenthal (that crazy chef that concocts weird shit incase you wondered) and compiled a fruit and bacon filled pancake sandwich, with extra maple syrup…yeah I know, its not quite chocolate dipped edible dormice, but its strange for us normal people. Regret soon filled the air mind you…”My face is not good and my hands are not good”…huh?. “I’M THE STICKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!!”…hmm. She had covered herself in maple syrup and was starting her Paige Rage a little earlier than scheduled. Don’t worry Alaska, the pool will clean that up, just try not to touch me in the meantime, bloody hate sticky syrup mits.
Quick, back to the room!!! The restaurant staff had done their best to delay us, clearly underestimating how fast we can hammer a plate of food, but we were tight for time. Kid Flash belted up the stairs leaving Jordan in his dust and gasping for air half way along the corridor to our room. Ever the team players, myself and Alaska help drag Jordan the final few yards to the room to claim second spot in the ‘who can run down the hallway the fastest challenge 2024’…a shit race really, but one I was disappointed not to win. We let the Birthday Boy win…Clearly.
A formula 1 style change over and we were pool ready!! I had already taken my towels down at 7:30 to chuck on the loungers, so was confident of a good spot...that was a weight off our shoulders, now to just turn up and do our thang. Right guys, mainly Alaska (and a little warning for Jordan too), no pooing in the pool, its kind of frowned upon. “yeah, but Alaska its ok if you wee in the pool”…hmm, not really Gray, but I guess everyone does it right? RIGHT?
Shit little pool area to be fair, no wonder you had to prebook, there’s enough room for a handful of people to play in here within their designated 2 ft square of personal space…it was quite small (note: I may have overexaggerated a little). It was fun really though I guess, big enough for the kids to play with a few different things, but small enough to keep an eye on them from anywhere in the room...ok I guess it was pretty good after all. Gray had a whale (ha get it) of a time with a continual loop of water slide usage, and Alaska had a great time singling one very scared little boy out for a good old fashioned 30 minutes of torment. This kid was terrified of her, which I feel spurred her on, splashing the poor bugger every opportunity she got. Hope you had fun kid, Alaska sure did!!
Right, had a titful of watching Alaska play Cat and Mouse with this poor bugger, and Gray’s side stunts were getting more and more extreme with a no look headfirst backslide, its time to get out of the pool and get out of the hotel.
Time for a mad pack up!! How the hell we had acquired so much shit in the space of a day is beyond me, no wonder my bank account was now emptier than the room's Lego pit after the kids had pillaged it all for themselves as ‘souvenirs’. You’d swear we had just spent a fortnight in Florida the way I was sitting on our cases to pack up all our stuff. I really have got to learn to say no to the kids…and myself.
Right, Dean get all this stuff to the car, time for a game of Lego Tetris, Jordan get the kids ready to meet at the park…Goooo Team!!
Great team effort, I struggle to carry a shit ton of luggage on my own to the car, scaling all the obstacles of the kids, cleaning carts, and doors being slammed in my face on the way down the stairs (the lifts had broken for almost our entire duration here). Felt like I was undergoing some form of Army training camp, but obviously this was much, much more difficult. Hey maybe a new career avenue? Bundled everything in the back of the car and head back to meet the gang at the entrance to the park…but Alaska had other ideas. In a fit of rage and despair at not being one of the many objects that I carried to the car, she channelled her Hulk like strength and locked Jordan and Grayson out of the room, and thus left herself inside in a Tasmanian Devil style psychotic rampage. Great to see that our request for the hour extra check out time had been fulfilled as our door was now locked and the key would not work…fuck sake, guess that surprise £20 I would soon be charged for the privilege was not quite worth it. Expecting to see the room in a worse state than a Motley Crue hotel room afterparty, Jordan swifty regains entry using Grayson as a battering ram (or just asking the hotel staff to let her back in, I forget which), but all Alaska wanted was for her dad to return, and like the hero that I am, was swiftly able to cull any further destruction…not for long though…
Right come on then, it’s a bloody miserable day today, think we used our sun quota for the year yesterday with a half decent day, but that won’t dampen our spirits too long, its Gray’s birthday and he’s determined to have a blast.
First stop of the day, Lego Mythica (again) and a wander through the Mythica Forest to see some really strange looking creatures, none more so than the Panda Frogs with big asses…well according to Gray. I thought they looked proportionate personally, but its his birthday so what the hell!! These frogs had massive asses!!
Transported back to the real world where frogs have regular sized bums and are not interbred with Pandas (have you got an image in your head like I have?), and we make a break for the ‘Flight of the SkyLion’. Legoland’s version of Soarin’ where you are hosted by a winged Lion and randomly taken on a flight through the more dangerous parts of Mythica. Supposed to be a tour, but felt like we were buffet items for the many, many dangerous animals that live here…we were accompanied by a halfling rainbow unicorn though so that made us all feel more at ease.
So off go Jo and Gray to test the waters prior to my turn on ‘Soarin’ through Mythica’ whilst I hit the shops with little Loo. It all started so well, we were having fun building Minifigures and making snowboarding mermaids…all until it come to fitting them into the box…then it all kicked off with a slight disagreement between me and the Loo and the inability to fit a snowboarding mermaid in a carry box. Oh the hell I went through!! The beast was awakened and following 20 minutes of screaming, punching and scratching (not from me by the way), we finally pushed through the tantrum, to the point where Alaska feigned concern in an effort for her tantrum to make sense…”I don’t want you to eat cause you might choke!”. Umm, thanks? Are you just trying to steer me away from your doughnuts? Clever move.
Right, Mam and Grayson are back, thank god, you can deal with the crazy one, I’m off back on with Gray. Blag a parent swap back through the SkyLion...the operations here are terrible mind, it just seems like a free for all. Its all good though, we were finally on and I had the 6 year old David Attenborough ready to guide me through the ride. Its ok Gray, I didn’t want a surprise anyways…great commentary though, mind like genius for remembering facts, but struggles to spell words like CAT.
Pretty good ride to be fair, can see why its one of the most popular, nothing much like it in this country, but we have been a bit spoiled by America. Catch up and Little Loo has tired herself out and midway through a midday powernap. Jordan on the other hand has taken the opportunity to get the doughnuts in…bewsh!!
Next up, and full of confidence from our victory on the carnival games yesterday, I get voted to undertake the task of winning a giant Minecraft plush. A task that £20 later remained unaccomplished and resulted in a face down, flat out tantrum from Grayson. I told you yesterday was a fluke, I’m shit at things sorry kid…better than you guys, but still shit at things.
After an impromptu session of Tai Chi to calm Gray from his rage, we headed to the Ninjago ride to carry on our journey to enlightenment. Today we actually got to meet one of the characters too before boarding. Now guys, this ride is shit…like its an awesome concept (we have done the Disney version and its great), but its hit or miss as to whether it works or not. I was flailing my arms around like a puppet from Team America and doing bugger all…bullshit, but at least my arm muscles grew exponentially as a result…gotta get the gains!! The worst part? Grayson and Jordan both beat my score (clearly due to my side not working) and the photo we got was not at pass discount price…fuck this ride (I’m not bitter).
Train to the top of the park please, not walking up there again, think we’d struggle to make it the state we are in, and we don’t want dead legs to accompany our arm fatigue. Hit up the giant Lego store at the top. This store is HUGE, and if you are a Lego fan (which I guess is assumed by your presence here) or if you like pissing away money (again, under the assumption by your presence here), then this shop is great. Nothing like seeing all the Lego you can’t afford and having your kids nagging for it…ahh brilliant!! To be fair, the kids were pretty well behaved, and we thought Grayson’s head was going to explode at one point under the pressure of choice. We did collectively spend over £150 here on what seemed like half a bag full of stuff, but its Gray's birthday, he had money to spend and we got caught up in the process (and regretted it as soon as we left the till)…Fuuuuuuck. They did have a really cool Minifigure customisation area where you paid an excessive amount to design your own minifigure and have the pleasure of owning it. We of course got two, but had to marshal the kids designs as Grayson freehanded a giant red squiggle onto the minifigure and was done. Nah kid, don’t take the piss, we’re at least chucking some graphics and your name on it. Alaska didn’t have much of a say in hers, Jordan had unilaterally taken responsibility and was designing her own. That’s all done, all that was left was the kids to pick some shit accessories and bask in their £12.99 abominations. At least they enjoyed though, right?
Jordan and I now in a rage head back down the hill, sliding down the steps and into the Ferrari Lego Build and Race area. We spent way too much time here and Jordan took the piss a bit building a Lego car, fighting off children for the wheels, unashamedly making kids cry as a result and then smashing her design on the first race…bloody useless!! Should have stuck to Alaska’s effort of a few bricks stuck together, which she was extremely proud of and ‘raced’ against all the conventional cars with wheels. I was fuming and just wanted to leave (I couldn't find any wheels and didn't want to complete with Alaska's complex build)…the Minifigure Speedway was calling.
Following our failure yesterday, we defected to team All Stars today much like Lewis Hamilton defected to his rivals. You can see the similarities, but he can’t quite meet the prowess of Grayson. Right, lets see how this plays out, the wind was right, we checked the tires and engine performance and were ready to kick ass…
Lost, AGAIN. Fuck sake, Grayson was bloody fuming and vowed “I’ll never go on that ride again!”. I feel you bud, they screwed us there, Legends clearly cheated…bullshit!!
A last quick spin on the Haunted House Monster Party, which Alaska was now enjoying more than loathing and we were ready to make our way back home…only 3 hours or so. We did have to dodge the hotel shop pretty swiftly on the way out mind as Grayson clearly felt that my bank account still had one or two pennies remaining. Not today kid, we have a trip next week to save for.
All in all, we had a bloody brilliant time, the hotel is expensive, but strangely feels worth it, the hotel staff are great, the characters and entertainment are brilliant for the kids and the park was not too crowded. We’ll be back soon I’m sure, Alaska needs her Fairy room after all.
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