Ok so it’s Mother’s Day!!! Yay, and we’ve got a fun day ahead…Crufts for Jo and Gray (Best in Show Day), and Twycross Zoo for Alaska and Me. Gonna be a busy one. Animals fed and watered and time to drag kids out of bed for Mother’s Day…surprisingly Jordan was already up, sat there waiting to be adorned with gifts and flowers…bloody hell, I’m not used to this, quick kids out of bed!! Gray was fuming that I had disturbed his dream where he won best at show in Crufts with a Schnauzer called Reginald (ok, that last part may or may not be true, but he was absolutely raging that I had disturbed him).
The kids loaded up with presents like a pair of carrier mules waltz in to an ‘surprised’ Mammy…”oh is it Mother’s Day? I didn’t know”…hmm. The kids had done a half decent job and got Jo a boss card…a pop up card of a woman mid labor…yeah, I thought it was funny…”that’s Alaska because I didn’t come out of your fanny mam!”…umm ok we may be a bit too honest with Gray, but it’s good to have an appreciation of the process.
Only an hour later to leave than planned and by now the kids were wide awake and treating us to a My singing monsters jibberish competition…”dad dad who sings this?”…no idea bud, sounds like a load of shit to me…ah Mammut? I should have guessed 🙄.
Only a three hour drive to deal with this, yay…fortunately Gray used the opportunity to revisit the dream he was rudely awoken from and slept most of the way until it was time to drop off Gray and Jo at the NEC for their Crufts day…which Gray was excited for despite feigning shock and awe at actually spending a day alone with Mammy…treat her bud, it’s Mother’s Day mun.
Have fun losers, Me and Loo are off to the Zoo!!…and wouldn’t you know it, it was bloody raining. Thankfully I’d had a little foresight to pack extra clothes and a waterproof onsie for Alaska…not the wellies though, that was her idea…well done little Loo, lucky one of us has sense.
Love Twycross, it’s a little ramshackle and run down, but still a fun zoo, and great to see all the Ape species here.
First though, the Snow leopard was properly showing off today…staring at people eating lunch through the cafe window (he hadn’t escaped, the cafe literally fronts the enclosure…it’s brilliant…”I’ll have a margarita pizza please”.
“Let’s go find the Gruffalo!!”…ok Alaska, your day so you decide where we go…on the hunt for the elusive Gruffalo…the only captive Gruffalo in the UK from what I hear…see this zoo really has got things going for it.
Strike a pose little Loo…”I wanna see his purple prickles!!”…go for it…KAPOW!! “I hurt his back”…see, everyone is afraid of loo loo. Poor Gruffalo, all he did was exist.
The Gruffalo trail is briefly interrupted by a Butterfly house, which was a nice little break from the rain, even if there was a kid that was trying his hand at pest control by attempting to pluck a Butterfly from the sky…fly for your lives guys, there’s a 2 legged monster in these parts, and it ain’t the Gruffalo (or Alaska incase that crossed your mind).
Damn, this Grufallo trail was a hell of a disappointment today, last time we were here (me and Gray), everything was new and the animatronics and story telling was working…today, absolutely nothing worked, so I had to step up and recite the story. Fortunately it’s engrained in my mind from the countless nights reading the story to the kids…I even chucked some voices in for effect, and long story short, I got offered a job at Twycross as the new voice of the Grufallo, Fox, Snake and Owl…they didn’t like my Mouse voice so they asked some other bloke to do that…something about me being too manly or something.
Moving on through the Gruffalo trail of disappointment, featuring MC Dean, Alaska turned fox tamer and decided to ride the fox statue, hug and owl and surf a snake…all in a days work.
All this has me hungry, and Alaska was totally famished…proper burning the calories today, and so the hunt for a picnic table began...in the rain…we sheltered in the Gruffalo cafe, where Alaska made short work of two sausage rolls, a few packs of crisps and a cheese and mayonnaise sandwich…god kid you can put it away mind.
“Let’s go back to the car…this is boring”…damn, we’ve only just arrived, don’t tell me you have to go Loo, we have another 8 hours to burn. “Ok, I wuve monkeys”…good thing we’re in Twycross then, it seems to be their expertise…phwew, maybe she would enjoy herself after all.
Gibbon Forrest then, and Alaska wasted no time in pushing to the front of the crowds admiring the Gibbons antics…damn guys, don’t you know it’s her special day out, clear a path for the princess. Quickly bored by the lack of swinging and shouting, we get moved on, but not before Alaska helps wrangle a stray child… “Eden…wait!!”…little Alaska telling a kid off, how she knew their name I will never know, but that kid shit themselves and stopped dead in their tracks…good job Loo, another kid saved!!
Not sure if I mentioned, but it’s bloody raining, and the place is waterlogged, puddles everywhere and I’m daintily traversing them like my life depends on it…not Alaska though; “I got wellies…don’t worry”. Hmm, not worried as much as I won’t want to carry your soaking wet clothes around in my backpack for a few hours. You enjoy though babes. The real worry came when she came running through puddles making tiger noises, what’s wrong with this kid mun.
I guess it was Tiger time though, and what a time to arrive, the Tiger literally eyeing Alaska up through the window, making sure they came over for a good look at the prospective lunch offerings of small children…quick Alaska, get splashing back through puddles, yeah but not the ones so deep that I can’t follow. Guess we’re taking the long way round. Bloody puddly zoo!!
“Ooo what are you going to see?”; Alaska makes a monkey noise…yeah, I bet the zoo worker didn’t expect that response, no words, just monkey noises…off to see the Giraffe then is it? Well have you ever heard a Giraffe make noise? It may sound like a Monkey 🤷♂️
For some reason, despite being the proud owner of a dozen Meerkats back at home, the only thing Alaska has really been looking forward to seeing was the Meerkats…could have saved some money here with a tour of my back garden, hmm…but I guess then she wouldn’t have the fun of jumping around puddles all day and smacking a Gruffalo…”Aww…we need more meerkats…I like the fat one!!” Damn Alaska, we call that big boned, you can’t go calling things fat, they may get offended, poor bugger.
Following the Meerkat offensive, Alaskas next port of call was to point out imaginary apes…”there’s one up there swinging”…no, no there’s not. Covering up her shame, she quickly ushered us to see the wing wings and the Mingos (I’m sure you can guess what they actually were)…”they’re my favourite colour”…yeah mine too to be fair…we’re so in sync. We had some great fun seeing the Penguins, and Alaska even tried to add to our own zoo by trying to coax a penguin to her. Quick, in the backpack, no one will ever know…mwhahaha!!!!
Oh, but they do have cautions to them, best leave these behind, Alaska quickly pointed this out, reading the penguin safety sighs…”you must not touch lions or they will eat you…ok??!!”…ummm…
Next up on our magical mystery tour, curated by Alaska was excitement of the fake elephants...or Tapir as they are otherwise know…yep, not even they wanted to be out in this weather, and they are semi amphibious (I think?).
By now, Alaska had hit all the major puddles around the zoo and was soaking, time for a quick pit stop I think for a warm up, bit more food and a change of clothes. Not before a quick look at the Monkey house though where she was happily naming all the Monkey family…”and that’s grandma Saran”. Don’t be silly Alaska, that Monkey has way more teeth…Happy Mother’s Day Mam 😬
Pit stop, change and refuel and on to see something I had never seen in any other zoo before…”I wanna see the moko”…huh? “The moko that fly”…no bloody idea, but she didn’t ask again so I presume we saw it at some point today…
Ahhh the warmth of the Giraffe house, Alaska again pushed her way past the multitude of people to get a proper view and even made a few friends…some little boy grabbed her and hugged her. Im a little ashamed to say that I almost battered the little bugger when he tried to kiss her…you can’t go randomly kissing my princess kid!!
Cool head Dean, let’s move on…Chimps it is, and always fun to see one of the Chimps kicking off at some guy staring at them. I’ve seen Planet of the Apes, time to make a move before they start an insurrection and start wildly battering us all will dismembered limbs (too macabre?).
Quick stop at the Gorilla and Bonobo, who were boring and don’t wanna play today, and Alaska was more concerned with collecting zoo portrait pics like they were Pokémon. She does make a cute little Meerkat and Rhino mind. Speaking of which, time for another warm up in the Rhino house…or as Alaska referred to them; Cow Unicorns!!! Which I think I will forever refer to them as from now on…as we all should.
Almost home time, but first, a stop at the Lorikeets…we had loads of fun here feeding them Nectar, “Do you want a drink? It’s very good for you”…how kind little Loo. It was all going so well, until a greedy little bugger stole her little tub of nectar for themselves…cheeky bugger!!! Don’t worry, I nicked it back, but the damage was done, Alaska had had enough of them and insisted we move on. There’s always one that spoils it for the rest!!!
Then, tragedy struck…”I can’t walk…my leg is broken”. Like a trooper she had walked around the zoo all day, but started falling at the final hurdle…not quite a broken leg, more a tired little leg. I got you Alaska, I’ll carry you the 100 foot or so to the cafe. Too dad I am see.
Gift shop and coffee shop to finish off the day…as always, I got screwed into paying for an overpriced soft toy, but managed to dodge the bullet and not purchase some other generic zoo gift shop rubbish, so I class that as a win. It was cool mind to have a chill in the cafe watching snow leopard come up to the glass and order his second pizza of the day…brilliant to see, such a cool animal that again Alaska managed to push people out of the way to see. No stopping her, not even a broken leg.
Ahh that was a fun day, now for the long wait for Jo and Gray to finish at Crufts and make our way home…only 4 hours until pickup…
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