Ahhh so our little princess turns 3 on Wednesday, and since today is the only day that the fantastic four (Me, Jo, Gray and Alaska for those wondering) had off together before then, we were celebrating today!!! Yay!!…oh and before anyone questions it; yeah yeah I know, Fantastic Four? with Jordan?…Fantastic three didn’t sound as impressive…so I compromised and upped Jordan’s cool quota. Congrats on making the big leagues babe!
It just so happened that today, there was an event that suited us great, something almost perfectly planned for Alaskas special day. A Princess Afternoon Tea…with ANNA AND ELSA!!! Alaskas actual favourite princesses, it’s literally all she wanted was to meet them, and Jordan made a dynamite find with this one…but it was in Leamington Spa…hmm, a short 3 hour journey, but it would be worth it for Little Loo. Amazing…we had found the perfect party for her. Food, princesses, and live entertainment. Much to the disdain of the rest of the family mind, who were devastated by the lack of party for the birthday girl…a day without a mass Fletcher gathering seemed like more of a birthday treat for me and Jo to be fair. Though I think they were all just crazy jealous that they would not get to dine with royalty…bad news bitches.
So…up bright an early…ish. Jo what time are we leaving?…”umm 8?”…not likely, it’s 7:45 already and I’ve not even fed the animals yet. Best call Doc Brown if that’s the intention…9am isi? She agrees under duress and celebrates with an extra half hour in bed. Lucky you, I get to treat myself to a morning animal feed in the rain…hooray for the zoo!
Following a prep and feed regime the flash would be proud of (DC, if your reading...) it’s time to wake the kids up to get ready…shock, horror, awe; Gray and Alaska are dressed and ready to go. Bloody hell, someone is excited for the princess tea party…Jordan! It’s for the kids, yeah right. As it’s a special day, and Alaska is our little princess, she required a gown befitting of the occasion; something that Nanny obliged in style (to be fair, we don’t need a princess tea party for Deb to buy princess outfits, I even had one as a birthday present one year…I think the woman is losing it; and no I will not be releasing Deans 30th birthday princess Jasmin outfit pics, behave!). I digress, Alaska opened her princess package and with a beaming smile pulled out an Elsa dress and cape, complete with tiara, wand, earrings, necklace and rings. Her little face lit up (not as much as the dress does mind…eyyyyyy; yes it lights up incase you’d not guessed), but despite all this…she was more pleased to have received an 8 pack of AAA batteries. Bloody kid, guess I’ll just supply her with a range of batteries for next Christmas and save some money.
And not forgetting princess Grayson…he was a little jealous (I assume of the pack of batteries but I don’t like to judge), and decided that he also wanted a princess box. Sorry kid, maybe for your birthday, I’ll even get you a nice little Anna dress if you’re good.
Only an hour and a half later than our planned 8am (apparently) leaving time, and we were on our way…
Fortunately, despite the weather warnings, the drive up was relatively uneventful…the kids slept most of the way, I totally forgot Elsa was with us (which gave me hell of a shock to see a white ball of fluff appear in the rear mirror when I was looking for traffic), and Jordan even treated us to sneak preview of the run she and Elsa had been practicing ready for Crufts whilst we stopped for pee breaks at the services. What more could we want.
Uneventful, but boring, and fortunately we were nearly at our destination. We were dropping Elsa off at her breeders home to give her a quick professional groom whilst we went to our tea party...we'll take anything for nothing. Our sat nav had other ideas though and decided to direct us to the middle of the motorway and leave us to our own devices. Damn, spoke too soon, only an additional half hour…bloody hell!! Finally arrived though and Elsa was more than happy to leave us behind to revisit her ancestral home where Grayson quickly got to work on trying to arrange a clandestine collection of his own Black Poodle. No bud, it’s not gonna happen, and you can’t just take someone else’s dogs mun.
Apparently Leamington Spa is having a battering from the council, and the roads are a mess, so Elsa’s grandma kindly gave me some nice detailed directions (Human grandma I should add, not dog Grandma…I can kinda guess when a dog communicates for a wee, but giving directions to a tea room may have been a bit much to ask). Now I tried, I really tried to remember the directions, and was confident I was up to the task…”right where to Dean?”…ok so it’s a right by here…and then…ummm. Bugger, just get the Sat Nav out, I have no idea where to go…ooo a train station I remember that, we’re almost there.
Annnnd we’re here, time to do a quick change on Loo Loo, the princesses await! Alaska can’t be trusted to wear her pretty little dress on a 3 hour car journey and stop off to visit a house full of poodles, so it’s time for a quick change into Princess Alaska.
All ready in her new dress, Alaska filled with rage that her earrings don’t stay on her ears begrudgingly ambles towards the Enchanted Tea Room where the princesses were waiting.
We waited outside eagerly, it felt like the scene from Jingle All The Way where the masses were waiting to tear apart the toy shop, but with more jeopardy…Anna and Elsa must have been trembling in fear as the angry chants of ‘Let it Go!’ Passed over the crowds of children as the Arendelle war march began. Thankfully, before blood could be shed, and the battle for the ice palace began, we were let in to the Tea Room and to Alaskas table, complete with a lovely little birthday setup.
“Any allergies?”…no, all good thanks. “I’m not allergic to anything, and neither is Anya…well only to work and getting a boyfriend”. Bloody hell Gray, woke up and decided to choose violence today is it bud?
My goodness it’s mad here, the masses of children in princess outfits excitedly awaiting the princesses was like absolute noisy chaos, they made Gray and Alaska seem like little angels… especially the kid trying to ruin it all by crying. “Grow up kid!”…yeah you tell them Alaska. Bloody kids, keep your shit together! Ah bloody blackcurrant squash, this won’t end well Alaska, let me help you…nope, just like the hit Destiny’s Child song, she’s an Independent Woman
(Throw back)…just get it down your neck Loo, your mother is panicking every time you look at the cup.
As it’s her birthday, as a treat, Alaska was booked in for a princess makeover. Elsa appears and whisks her away for her surprise. Jordan swiftly follows in tow and I make the foolish assumption that Gray would stay behind with me…an assumption I gravely misjudged. Grayson just had to join, and like that, I was left all alone…sitting there like a strange old man in a children’s tea party. Damn, I had some strange looks off the other parents; I swear I’m not just a weird old man, I am here with my wife and kids (though realistically me and Jo would probably have gone to a Frozen themed tea party without kids; we do love Frozen).
Just keep your head down and browse the football scores Deano!…fortunately the owner spots my loneliness and offers a sympathy coffee - “ah you’ve lost them to the pamper room eh?”…yeah bud, I’m a bit gutted I’m not having the makeover too mind, I could do with some sparkly hair spray and a bit of lip gloss to boost my self confidence. It’s fine, I’ll book myself into the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique when we hit WDW in September. Meanwhile, Jordan and Grayson watch Alaska have the time of her life with her princess pamper session. The princesses were amazing with her, and Alaska had an amazing time choosing her lipstick and makeup and having some lovely one on one time with them…magical.
Meanwhile back to awkward Deans interlude, Kristioff delivered our afternoon tea, which made for a nice physical barrier I could hide behind whilst I await the arrival of Princess Alaska. “Daaaad!”…Grayson was announcing the arrival of the princess. The room goes silent, the fanfare begins, and everyone turns to the back of the room… out pops little Alaska daintily ambling from the pamper room to shock and awe from her adoring fans (yep mainly me and Jo). My god she looked soooo beautiful, we know she’s a princess, but that makeover was fantastic. Glittery hair, wipstick (not a spelling error) and bejewelled cheeks.
It was like 3pm by now, and all we’d eaten so far was a protein bar (gotta get those gains), so we were starving. Naturally we started giving the food a bit of a hammering…maybe a little too much. The sight of castle shaped sandwiches was too much excitement for Alaska. She summoned her inner Slytherin and swallowed it in a few bites. A party trick that she clearly started to regret just as Anna, Elsa and Kristoff appear with a cake to sing happy birthday. What’s up little one? Why does your face look like you’re going to throw up? Oh it’s because you are? Great stuff…get that sandwich up to make room for the cake I guess…Anna, Elsa, Kristoff avert your eyes you don’t need to see this. They make their excuses and leg it to see other kids whilst Alaska finishes ridding herself of a half chewed sandwich, only to immediately start eating handfuls of Marshmallows and cake. Where had my ladylike princess gone? She’s been replaced by some sort of competitive eater. Come on back guys, the coast is clear…these marshmallows ain’t coming back up.
Ahhh Anna and Elsa are back…gingerly approaching the table following Alaskas rendition of the exorcist…let’s get a few pics then…look at me Alaska…Look at me Alaska…cheese…”I am looking at you!!”. Nah you’re not mun, you’re looking at the cake. Don’t stress mun, no one is going to steal your marshmallows and rainbow cake if you look at me for a split second. Suffice to say, I have some lovely pics for everyone but Alaska looking at me. Guess that’s what you get growing up around the Fletcher Family…mistrust and greed.
Live performance time, time to show everyone my amazing vocal prowess…these kids don’t stand a chance!! The actors had really good voices, and belted out the tunes, giving Disney a run for their money. It was great to see Alaska and Gray joining, even if Jordan was using Grayson as a puppet to fuel her own dreams of a Frozen Sing-a-long. Yep today was more about Jordan than Alaska. I genuinely think that Jo would have happily paid extra for a makeover for herself.
“Dad!!…he looked at me”…Gray was bloody loving being the only boy there, and felt a masculine bond with Kristoff. Everyone her walked past or even looked Grays way he was lose his mind. Think they bonded over their love for ice and reindeer and are now planning a trip to Magaluf for Kristoffs big 3-0…LADS LADS LADS!!
The afternoon concluded with a dance party, and little Alaska decided once more to take centre stage amongst the mass of princesses…the princess of princesses of you will…the super princess!! She bloody loved it, and Anna and Elsa loved her too. They spent so much time interacting and making a fuss over her, it was really pretty special. Even if Alaska was raging when jo took her cape off so she could throw shapes unrestricted…bloody hell Jo, know your place mun…GUARDS!! OFF WITH HER HEAD!!. Calm down Little Loo, it’s not that bad.
Few more pics with the stars of the show…Alaska signed a few autographs and Grayson had his Kristoff pic…following perhaps the strangest series of events where Grayson decided to break out in random excited screams whilst waiting for the toilet, whilst being judged by some queue jumping princesses…we were on our way to pick up Elsa. Damn, I thought we were leaving her behind.
The kids were causing more havoc on pickup…mainly fuelled by the sugar high of an afternoon full of cakes, marshmallows, pop, lines of sugar and princesses. Grayson again subtly attempted to broker a deal for a black poodle for himself, but fortunately we managed to escape before the deal came to fruition…we blamed the weather. Which by now was kicking off a series of gale force winds and the rainiest rain I’d seen in a good while. Could t wait to swim home.
As if the weather wasn’t bad enough, the long drive home hit a new low with a series of terrible impressions from Jordan. To be fair, though her Snape was abysmal, she managed a pretty bang on Miss Piggy…though this did come with a slight downside…the threat of…and I quote “shitting herself”. No idea how that works out, but if you ever hear Jordan doing a Miss Piggy impression you’re best off running for cover.
Anyways, finally home safe and sound…we had an amazing day, made magical by the Enchanted Tea Room and Frozen Princess party. Such a good experience…the staff were amazing, the atmosphere was fab and they really treated Alaska like a little princess.
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