The Mothers Day Gold Rush

Snooze…snooze…snooze…ARGH; FINE!!! I’ll bloody get up. Why the hell do I feel so damn tired today? Must be coming down with something? Nah…of course; the bloody clocks have changed and robbed me of an hour in bed. Thanks for nothing World War One Parliament (I literally had to search the origins of daylight savings…more daylight for making weapons; and there I was blaming the Shepard’s before a quick google fact check…madness).

So yeah…no wonder my snooze button got an absolute battering, it’s 4:30am in my mind and my brain is giving me a bit of “why the fuck are you up this early??!!”…I don’t know brain, I don’t know; just do your job and shut up.

Traverse the boundaries of animal feeds in the sleep realm…had a close call with Freddy; but in the end he felt pity for me and chipped in with a few of the meerkat feeds. Poor old knife fingers gets a bad rep; he’s just misunderstood.

Right, snap out of it…cheers Fred, appreciate the help. Back to the land of the dead, aka, Dean and Jordan’s room. The kids have invaded and are scattered across the bed like soldiers on the beaches of Normandy (right Dean, that’s enough war references for the day).

Lights on, WAKE UP!!!! It’s Mothers Day, and we’re treating Mammy to a trip to nostalgic paradise…DRAYTON MANOR!!! OK OK, I totally booked this trip way before I realised it was Mothers Day…it’s the thought that counts though.

Time to begin the not so subtle hints for the kids to help me give Mammy her presents without her knowing. Argh, screw it…Elsa, come give Jordan these presents (we all know Elsa is her favourite child anyways). Disgusted at being outdone by a cloud shaped show dick (sorry, I mean dog), the kids spring up quicker than a coiled spring in a spring making factory, being tested by the lead spring tester for springability…”back off Bitch!!! they are not flowers”. Yes Alaska, yes they are…even Elsa knew that…maybe go back to sleep babes, you need that extra hour to catch up.

Wonderful 3 hour journey…again. Oh I do love a long as hell drive on bugger all sleep. Coffee, and lots of it please drive…oh, and the soundtrack of some random YouTuber on Grays phone ‘Bro’ing’ more than a 90’s surfboarder…we get it, you’re cool as fuck and can unbox mystery mini figures like a badass…take a day off mun.

We’re here…Time to play ‘The ride spotting game’…winner gets a prize, but there are 3 rules; phone off, shoes on, first to spot a ride wins a prize…anything to stop the incessantly shit YouTubers (just watch ‘The Fletchers’ Misadventures’ kid)…3.2.1…Jordan wins; FUCK!!

Come on then…Grayson, don’t forget to buy Mammy a present on the way out…I’ve bought her enough, it’s your turn now.

Here we are then…back to the park that for some reason, we frequented on school trips back in the day; I mean Oakwood was way closer, but I guess the travel fees to Tamworth outweighed the insurance costs for a school outing to the ‘park of death’.

Oh…and it’s Blue Light Member Day today too…always enjoy playing a game of ‘Police, Fire or Healthcare’ at the fellow theme parkers. So yeah…limited capacity today (the one time I’m greatful for the nursing shortage in the NHS).

In and on to Adventure Cove to wave a friendly ‘hell no’ to Stormforce 10 (no Grayson, funny enough I don’t fancy getting absolutely soaked today on a cold, March day…I like being free from illness). Instead we head to ‘The Wave’, the newly branded ‘Shockwave’. Recently downgraded from a standup coaster (this used to be pretty unique, but apparently Drayton Manor enjoy monotony). The Wave has now become a more family friendly sit down coaster. Silver lining…Grayson can now ride it…HELL YES, let’s go!!!! See you in a bit Jo and Loo; won’t be long.

Spoke too soon…half hour later and we’re barely moving…seen faster waves from the Queen mother than this. To be fair, it’s a good little coaster, the sit down element doesn’t really take away from it. Gray had a great time and loved his first proper looping coaster; Jordan did not though, she got fed up of waiting and decided that even Thomas Land was better than staring at a never ending slow moving wave.

Ok, so since the girls are off having fun flying above the dizzying heights of Thomas Land on Hectors Helicopters from Hell (or some other name similar in alliteration), me and Gray try a cheeky ride on ‘Air Race’…a dilapidated spinning, looping flat ride. Looks quite fun, despite looking like it may fall apart at any moment…we love a bit of jeopardy. Awful ride ops once more…bloody terrible here today; slow loading, a furious Jordan, and a ride brake down…fuck it; didn’t fancy dying today anyways.

After marking my Facebook ‘Safe from the Drayton Manor Air Race Tragedy 2025’, we head over to Thomas Land to regroup with Mammy and Alaska, who had caught up with some friends Kayley, Matt and their equally crazy kids. We rode some stomach churning Thomas themed flat rides before deciding we didn’t much enjoy feeling sick, so headed off to the new Frontier Falls area of the park.

Grabbed some half decent, overpriced chicken and chips on the way though…yeehaw, it’s cowboy time…hopefully can mine for some gold and recoup some of the cost of the chicken nuggets…bloody theme park food ey?

Here we go then…Gold Rush; Drayton Manors newest ride, a pretty good family coaster that’s had some really good reviews. Two different ride cycles depending on your time of day riding, some fun theming, and some cool forward and backward launch elements. Bloody good fun, and even got a funky pink cowboy hat souvenir.

Psyched up from their recent Gold mining expedition, the kids play the ‘your name is George’ game (cool game…everyone is now known as George) and head to shoot up a poor western mining town in an effort to rob them of any remaining Gold.

Sheriffs Showdown…the world’s worst laser shooting game…ok ok, I’m just a bit bitter that the ride broke down before we even managed to have a go. Well…4 of us got in the cart, but despite the best efforts of the poor ride attendant to launch us using every muscle he possessed, our ride ultimately ended in evacuation.

Lucky break Sheriff; saving the town from The George Twins onslaught…though, wasn’t quick enough for a decimation from the rooting, tooting Kelly 🙄 (psst…it’s ‘Kayley’ Jordan, you’ve only known her the best part of a decade 😂).

Honestly though…what is up with the ride ops today? Very poor, and half the rides breakdown faster than I do at the slightest hint of stress. Highlight of the day though…watching this unlucky bugger kicking and dragging the car, with the ultimate humiliation as a crowd of in line on lookers silently judge his failure to shift a cart full of two grown men, and two kids determined to shoot said full grown men in the face…well, Grayson gave Matt a good ole fashioned laser blinding anyways.

Full of disappointment, we next headed to ‘The Haunting’, did a 180 and swiftly left…no idea why…there was some debate around it being closed despite the massive line of people waiting. Pretty sure Jordan incited the rumour; terrified of what lurked within.

Quick kick off from Alaska; cannot believe I had the audacity to deny her a generic junk looking necklace. It did have a Unicorn on it. So I kinda get it…maybe I was just jealous?

So yeah…classic Alaska tantrum; maybe a blackcurrant lolly will appease her? No?…maybe an orange one? Ok that worked…”I wanted the purple one”. Fuck sake kid…

Wander around the Zoo. Pretty decent to be fair…generic zoo animal, generic zoo animal, generic…holy fuck they have Maned Wolves??!!! Always wanted to see these majestic Stilt Foxes; absolutely incredible…took every ounce of self control not to jump in with them and get torn apart faster than the quails they were flinging around. BEST DAY EVERY!!!

Torn away under duress (I guess everyone else wants to ride rides or something?). We enter Hell…population; Rory the Lion and his Drayton Manor Dance Party. Complete with classic children’s hits; none of which I knew. I watched in awe as Kayley and Matt threw shapes to tunes on par with ‘Small World’ annoyance. Jordan, kids…don’t bloody join in…argh, I going to the Vikings Land before I start losing self respect. Who am I kidding? If I knew the dance moves I’d be the first to crack on…I was just jealous I was out of the ‘know’.

Vikings Land…pretty decent, nice, new and shiny (wait…can wood be shiny?); complete with angry Viking to greet you on the way in…delightful.

Sleipnir first up…it’s Mothers Day; everyone wants to ride with Mammy right? WRONG!!! Alaska denies Jordan’s existence and chooses the superior rider to journey with her to “run away from fire and shoot zombies”. Ummm…I think you may be mistaken here Alaska. Grayson…well, he flat out refuses to ride with Jordan; relegating her to the bench to sit in quiet devastating contemplation. Eric Carmen’s classic hit fills the airwaves, a single tear runs down Jordan’s face as she watches Grayson ride off into the sunset; her little boy turned into a Viking Warrior…her little girl? Fighting zombies apparently.

Jormungandr…no idea how to pronounce that, but assume it’s Nordic for ‘shit rollercoaster’…moving on.

Loki…the ride version of a bunch of windmilling metal gig attendees. Looks pretty cool, but stop the music and they’ll just stand around looking awkward until the next song…load times were so slow, I swear we passed through the Viking Age and into the Norman Conquest (little bit of history for you there). Spent more time stationary in the air while Grayson flung into fits of panic at whether we would ever return the earth, than we did actually riding the ride…madness.

Few pics and we head back to catch up with the others in Thomas Land, ride a few of the top Thomas Thrill rides and the rickety as hell Jolly Buccaneer before hitting up Gold Rush for one last time.

Manage the 2nd cycle of this half decent family coaster; got shot backwards…damn near had a heart attack. Think this cycle was better though…changes after 2pm apparently.

Manage a quick ‘blast’ (ha, get it?) on Sheriff Shootout…I don’t want to talk about it; I’m a sore loser. Then we made our way out of the park for the long assed journey home. High fives and goodbyes (see you later Kelly and George) before we depart and head to Harvester for a bite to eat on the way home.

Finding a Harvester was mental mind…and finding one with Pasta; impossible…well, unless you count the salad bar…absolute shit ton of the stuff there; dive in Alaska…pasta and blue cheese sauce; what a kid.

🎶Pasta, corn, raisins, repeat🎶… cracking song there Gray, it’s a hit, I can tell…if you’re lucky, Rory the Lion may very well be playing it at his dance party from hell next year.

Had a decent meal to be fair, then began the journey home absolutely shattered.

Had a great day exploring Drayton Manor :)