Lizard count: 25.
“Coffee good sir?”…yes please Chris my good man, extra Pumpkin Spice please…I’m feeling extra Autumnal after HHN. Jordan why don’t you wake me up like that mun. Yep, back at our Disney hotel, me and Jo were out for the count following a busy night of mental and physical exhaustion and flat out shitting ourselves (literally and figuratively for Jordan) at Halloween Horror Nights. Solid performance Universal…
Double pump, extra hot, extra shot, no foam, single syrup, Caribbean Beach roast special blend Pumpkin Spice Latte in hand (amazing what the in room coffee machines can do nowadays), we were up, ready and raring to go…and do absolutely bugger all.
“I haven’t got any clothes on!!” Yes you have Alaska…it’s called a swimming costume, Grayson has doubled down on his dreams… it’s a pool morning. The day he never thought would arrive again has arrived twice in one holiday. To be fair, the pool here is pretty cool and it’s about time we spent more time at the resorts…they cost me my left kidney to come here, so best utilise some amenities.
Duck Tales…woohoo…great to see one of Scrooge McDuck’s rascally nephews had joined us for a morning swim. Bloody hell Dewey, causing absolute havoc for the pool boy this morning. Some poor little duckling had gone AWOL and was causing quite a stir…seeing a duck in a Disney swimming pool was like seeing a Unicorn in the wild apparently. Mass crowds gathered around a duckling intent on drowning itself rather than seeing one more child try to catch it…I’d be doing the same to be fair…poor little bugger. Net to the rescue…duck was raging, Jordan cried some happy tears, Grayson was relieved he could swim in the pool of water rather than his mother’s tears.
Kiddie pool for me and Alaska. I did feel quite bad making her sit down and watch as I enjoyed the splash pad, but safety first, I needed to test the facilities. Oh ok, go on then Loo, have a go. Wait, where the hell has she disappeared to? Fearing I would find her transported to Davy Jones’ locker I eventually find her climbing the slide just to re-ride over and over again. Ladies and Gentlemen, The incredible Escaping Alaska and her Disappearing Pool Trick. Enough of this, I almost died of a heart attack, practice your magic back in Hogwarts…you know it’s illegal for minors to practice outside of the school grounds.
Back in the battle ground of Fuentes del Morro, I catch up with the rest of Team Fletch and try to chill for a bit…it’s bloody cold today though. Aww, and these bloody lifeguards are intent on spoiling the kids fun…no bombs or head first sliding, what kind of rules are those? I know right Gray? Can’t think of a reason why you wouldn’t be allowed to hurtle head first into a shallow pool…don’t think our insurance covers acts of idiocy.
Water is cold, air is cold, Dean is cold…time to get out. Only 2 or 3 ‘one more time please Dad’ slides and I finally coaxed Grayson out of the pool…poor bugger must have lost his footing though, next thing I knew he had ‘fallen in’. Yeah, ok…this pool smells of something other than chlorine today, think it’s a hint of bullshit. Karma swiftly dealt him a very pissy hand mind as we found that Alaska had also ‘fallen in’, but this time to use the toilet. Dirty bitch…”I thought the pool was the toilet”. Yep, toilets are full of children splashing pools of piss about the place…you’re better than that Alaska. JORDAN DON’T YOU DARE!!
Oh the shame…back to the room before the pool’s resident pee detective rumbles us as the family of pool pissing hoodlums and off for a shower to get changed and check out some other hotel activities that don’t rely on splashing around a toilet.
Drop off Bampy to the airport…less hassle than pick up. Cheers Chris, had a good laugh…safe flight.
Back to the resort, battling rain only previously seen in Cross Hands…for all you resident Welsh people…that’s a shit ton of rain. Yep, Rain, rain, go away, don’t mess us another party. For goodness sake Florida, decide what you are doing!! We have a pre-firework desert party tonight, and I really wanna see Happily Ever After!!
Rain dies down to a light drizzle and we head out through the warm shower that is Florida rain…nothing I like better than showering fully clothed.
Checking out the resort activities, we experience a bit of 70’s culture; Tye dye mania. Yep, for some unknown reason, we decide to fork out $85 on 4 home made shirts, just because they manage to mildly resemble Mickey Mouse. To be fair besides Alaska having wind and proclaiming an imminent death, we had a great time and dyed those shirts within an inch of their lives. I was even told that my shirt was the best one they had seen in a good long while, and they presented me with the Tye Dye winners medal for September 2024. This was a fun little tribute, and well deserved if I say so myself. We’ll see the results in about 10 days, but I can tell they are going to be badass.
Right, we have a party to attend. The best kind…a desert party with a hint of danger…fireworks. Yeah, not like they were letting us loose on the Magic Kingdom display for $90 each, we just got an all you can eat dessert buffet and the opportunity to get drunk (rare for MK).
Before that though, a great opportunity to have some nice family pics in front of the Disney World showpiece…Cinderellas castle. Now I don’t know whether Grayson is full on pranking us (it’s his favourite hobby) or just has an immense Chandler Bing complex, but his ‘smiles’ in the first attempt were on par with that you’d see in a B movie torture flick. I kid, he’s a handsome little bugger, but this pic was something else. Attempt number 2 was much better and we had some lovely family memories made…well done Grayson, well done.
Adventureland to have a little gander about the antiquities and pirate loot…oh no, what’s this? Only a Unicorn princess set of ears…had Alaska’s name all over them. Instant purchase, instant pic in front of castle, instant superiority complex from the princess herself. My god I am biased, but my daughter is the most beautiful girl in the world.
Right, sorry, back to the story. It’s crowded as fook today, almost as if we hit Magic Kingdom at prime time on a Saturday or something. Maybe this was a bad idea, but we were only here for one reason. Everything else was a bonus. Thank god, we would have ridden a grand total of Pirate of the Caribbean plus bugger all…ok, maybe a cheeky ride in Winnie the Pooh too, but nothing else.
Pirates of the Caribbean and the curse of Grayson intent on getting lost. No idea what’s up with him today, but he almost had no choice but to join Cap’n Jacks crew as a deck hand as he traversed the boundaries of being a photo on the back of a milk carton. Please learn Grayson, I’m good at watching you, but it’s a two way street, and this place is damned crowded. Alaska on the other hand was perusing the open auditions to join the Black Pearl…I guess the looting, pillaging and general mayhem was calling her.
Ok, so, Pirates…done, a few more photopass entries and it was time for our party. Looking forward to this, and an evening where I don’t have to lose my mind with stress of securing a standing space to watch a show that 5 minutes before I would be fighting people off like a Lion Tamer intent on not being eaten. Yep, if you ain’t been to Disney, you won’t understand, but there ain’t a more fearful sight than a desperate parent trying to secure prime castle viewing for their kids. Yep, the Dessert party, also known as an evening with the pissed up lunatics…was a great idea.
Now this party was great, and within, there were two types of people; families there to make magical memories, and people looking to get pissed up in Magic Kingdom. I’m ashamed to say, we may have walked the boundaries of this split.
As time ticked on, it was absolute carnage, more a rave than a party, and even the kids participated. Alaska chucking bottles of Coca Cola over everyone and adding some not so friendly abuse to her Mam. “Mommy you’re going to break the stroller…you’re sooo fat”. Random and unnecessary, but Alaska’s kind of bants.
To be fair, there were others that were far worse than us, taking full advantage of the 2 drink per person per go allowance, and making their money back from Mickey in the process.
We gave it a good go, but Jordan was hammered after half a glass of Cava, and still cracking on, it was up to me to be semi responsible. Just a few beers for me a guess…you win this round Mr Mouse. Well, not if Grayson can help it. He turns on his sickening charms and manages to Blag a few Mickey bars and generally make the ladies bend to his every want. Nice one you smooth talking ladies man you. Must get it from his Dad 🙄.
Time to move guys, we’ll have nowhere to sit…and this is the specially designated area. A suitably pissed up Jordan stumbles behind us as we head to our spot for ‘Happily ever after’. Late, but ever resourceful, we find a spot close to the front and manage to piss an array of people off when we are summoned forwards to get a better view. Look, I know we were late, but we all made choices tonight, it just so happened that on tonight’s episode of ‘Magic Kingdom Madness’, that we won. Tune in next week…Fantasmic!!
O…M….G!!! Fab show, great music, projections and Fireworks with the crescendo de finale being a real life flying Tinkerbell. “Dad I saw the rope. But I won’t tell Alaska…it’s not fair for her”. Good boy buddy’s but what rope? Tink can fly.
Happy tears and beaming pride from the children’s happiness we don our armour to fight the crowds. Grayson, ever resourceful manages to steal someone’s wheelchair in the process. Quick Scrapyard Challenge style modification and the post apocalyptic death machine was ready to tear this place apart. Put the bloody wheelchair back!! And take the upgrade ‘Kill package’ off it!
Not feeling up to taking part in The Walking Dead: Magic Kingdom, we hang back and had a great few pics in front of the castle before heading home. Some cheeky merch shopping and it was onto the resort. Only a brief stint on the death bus (seriously, the driver almost killed us) and it was time for bed.
AK tomorrow, so up before the big cats and Savannah dwellers.
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