Ah man I’m bloody tired today…both me and Jo. We’ve had a busy week in work and Jordan was out with the kids at a dog show in Merthyr and a busman’s holiday to groom Debs dogs before heading home in the still dodgy van…damn van is causing us havoc mun.
So we were gonna have a chill day complete with lie in…well that would be if we managed to get any sleep…Gray and Alaska decided to play musical beds during the night and spend most of the night kicking the living shit out of Jordan and wriggling like a tasered worm all over me. Thanks kids, appreciate the relaxing nights sleep we were granted.
Bugger it, let’s get to it. Animals are fed, me and Gray pop out for a bit whilst Jo and Alaska prepare for a day out. We need to pop to Cowbridge to pick some shampoo off from Jo’s friend. Yeah I know, all the way to Cowbridge? This must be some badass shampoo made from the nectar of the golds that glosses hair more than a newly formed bar of gold bullion? Who knows, I was fed a story and all I could think was ‘hmm, Bridgend is near Cowbridge, and WhoCult Donuts is in Bridgend…I’M IN!!’…yeah I was only going for the doughnuts (well justified I reckon).
So yeah, today was WhoCult and shopping day!!! Yay. I’ve been taunted by the new Valentines offerings and was looking forward to getting my face around some Milky bar flavoured heart doughnuts…damn, I’ve been cursing myself putting a few pounds on over Christmas that I’m struggling shift and keep promising myself to stop eating so much, but yeah, I’m lacking some self control around doughnuts recently. The OG Lardlad mun.
So, here we are, self loathing in tow to our favourite doughnut place outside of America. 4 doughnuts please, a few hearts, an Oreo and a Bueno chased by a coffee and shake please…Jo, Kids; do you guys want anything?…to be fair, Grayson did end up drinking most of Jordan’s shake and Jo did end up getting in another 4 doughnuts ‘for the house’…ffs mun Jo, stop trying to plump me up…ok get another 4…yeah and add a biscoff one this time!!
Jo joins the line, I wait for the drinks and the kids play tug of war over the current box. Good thing Jo was getting a few more, these poor donuts were about to be launched into the air like the balls in Jingle all the Way…except this time I’d be fighting Sinbad over a heart shaped donut and macing the bugger if he dared to try. Funny enough, it’s Super Bowl Sunday, so catching a flying doughnut would have been particularly apt…guess the kids were just getting into the spirit…absolute nightmares. The fun concluded with Grayson battering the toilet door whilst I tried to pee to the dismay of every other customer attempting to get their fill of doughnutty goodness…bloody kids.
Let’s get out of here, had a titful of living in fear of flying doughnuts and violet children acting like high school bullies when you dare to take a pee.
Quick stop to get some free shampoo (or maybe heavily discounted, I forget which), then on to a quick browse around MacArthur Glenn to spend money we should be saving for Florida in September…to be fair, we only really go for the Vans store, end up buying a pair of shoes and then maybe getting a coffee, but hey, it’s something to do.
Cool little shop, Character or something, some nice little fancy dress stuff for the kids…well Alaska, but she’s got way too many princess dresses, so much so that she was mistaken for royalty the last time we went shopping…probably because of the sparkly tiara and inflated sense of importance. Keep it up little Loo, we know you’re a princess!!
Anyways, Grayson took a liking to the cashier…the pervy little bugger, and as a sign of affection decided to give her a break and take over on the desk. ‘Take 5 love, watch how a real man works’. Smooth Gray, ladies man…Valentines day around the corner and showing me up in front of his mother. Cool it Gray, I can’t compete with this…I mean, I could give dog grooming a go but Jo would soon be short of clientele. It all gotta little out of hand when Grayson announced a 75% discount store wide and list the shop a few thousand in a matter of minutes. Nice one kid, we’ll take that off the CV. Anyways, Gray had a go at scanning, tried to get us a solid 50% discount, but ultimately failed (bloody useless), and Alaska feeling left out also had a bash…just less creepily than her over amorous brother. He’s either gonna be a real ladies man or end up as a stalker on first name terms with the Swansea Prison guards. Let’s hope it’s not the latter 🤞
Lovely girl on the desk mind, was so good with the kids and ran off to get Gray a present before we left. Poor thing came back with a couple of quid for Grayson for his ‘hard work’. Aww how nice, such a lovely thing to do that made us all feel really guilty…not Grayson though, he took that money as quick as he could before the tax man could get a sniff of it. Mind you, she may have just been creeped out by Gray and gave the money as an incentive to leave…actually the more I think of it, yeah that was definitely the case.
Quick pit stop to the toilets, where we celebrated a lot more that we usually would have at a toilet…it was for a good cause though, Alaska, who is more than happy to spend a day soaking in her own urine has finally amassed some pride and decided to be a big girl and start to use the potty more…so in the spirit of a collective wee, Alaska joined and was proud to announce her use of the toilet. Go little Loo!!! Jordan treats her with a cheese string from her treat pouch as you would a newly potty trained puppy and we move on. Oh not before they both strike a pose in new outfits that we had in Grayson’s 75% off sale…nothing like running it in their face.
The kid we extra manic today…in retrospect this was possibly enhanced by the huge sugary doughnuts they had for lunch…ooops, that’s my bad. I should really apologies to the whole of MacArthur Glen. On to the Vans store for a bit of havoc and shoe shopping where, cutting the story short, Alaska hid inside a shoe bench, and Grayson decided to scare people by hiding in a clothes rack. I really feel responsible for that poor guy that ended up having a fear induced heart attack when Grayson grabbed his leg whilst he was looking for a new jacket. Bad times.
Fresh from the vans store fiasco and high on the thrill of a near death experience, Grayson decided to ramp up his scare tactics and hide in a bush whilst waiting for Jo to emerge from the toilet once again, with a dancing Alaska in tow, fresh from potty pee number 2 of the afternoon. ‘BOO BITCHES!!’…ah Gray, stop picking on old women, you may literally kill them, save it for the young, their hearts can take it. He opted for Alaska as his next victim, a choice I wouldn’t recommend, she bits and punches better than Mike Tyson, and has a lisp just as bad…don’t do it Gray.
Scaring old people half to death really worked up Grays appetite and the rest of us were a bit hungry too, so opted for our favourite pan Asian fusion restaurant…WAGAHAVOC!!! Umm I mean Wagamama, but the way the kids were acting in the line to get a seat, I wasn’t holding out much hope for a nice chilled out family meal.
‘You wike this??!!’ No Alaska, I do not like you swinging in the ropes like a marmoset that had just had 3 cans of Red Bull, 2 Spoonfulls of pure sugar and an ounce of Cocaine, I do not like it at all…but thanks for checking babes. I was ready to have an anxiety attack mun, almost pushed over the edge by Jordan exclaiming that she was the boss and I was the ‘money’…umm thanks? Oh and the impromptu game of Wagamama limbo…both kids were pretty shit to be fair.
‘Table for 4? Are you ok with a booth?’…just in the nick of time…you sure you can’t seat us and the kids separately? No? Just give us the booth then!! Surprisingly the kids were really half decent for food, chicken noodles for them and a selection of sides for me and the boss (apparently). Lovely meal albeit a little expensive, but we’re not going out for Valentines Day this year, so this was it. Treated to the kids customising chop sticks, and the newfound knowledge of their love for soy sauce, only enclosed by a solid Walrus impression from the boss herself…some solid 6/10 entertainment there. The meal concluded with a brief tricking of Gray and Alaska into kicking a red chilli and eating a lime…which pushed the entertaining stats to a solid 8/10, and it was time for ‘the money’ to pay the bill. The money? 😂…I bloody wish, I’m just irresponsible.
Quick peruse around the shops on the way out and we were off home to chill for the rest of the evening…with a box of doughnuts an a substitute for an evening meal…not all bad for a Sunday I guess.
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