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Writer's pictureDean Fletcher

Wild places and wicked tantrums

Updated: Oct 22, 2023


So after Mondays relative disappointment with the Bluey debacle in West Midlands, today was set to be a day of redemption and of course the usual fun filled Fletcher family day…woohoo!!!


We were off to the Wild Place Project, Bristol zoo’s (RIP) sister zoo…been about 4 years since we were here last, and we quite enjoyed it, so thought it would be a nice little family jaunt.


Nice and chilled out morning, the kids were well excited and ready for the day…maybe a little too full of energy, spending the morning sliding around the living room…come on kids, time to go…it’s a bit muddy in zoos at this time of year so boots for the kids were the best option right? Well not according to Grayson…kid lost his shit when we suggested he wore his super cool flashing wellies, and wanted to wear his trainers instead…comfort over practicality I guess…but we’re his parents and what we say goes…so we compromised and he wore his trainers…of course…but we took the boots as a symbol of our authority…we classed it as a win…


Surprisingly we were relatively good for timing today, and cut our hour long toilet stops down to half hour…progress, expecting only a 15 minute delay next week.


Here we are kids…Wild Place…on we go, there’s a half term wildlife walk on, and some rather snazzy reindeer headbands for the kids to wear for the hell of it…like proper fashion trailblazers they sported these things around all day…looking badass kids!!!…even if Alaska’s kept slipping over her eyes, which may or may not have been the contributing factor to he continual tumbles…oh and jealous Jordan decided that the kids couldn’t have all the fun and decided to sport a pair herself (claiming they were for Alaska)…poor effort Jo, but way to get a head start on the kids Christmas play outfit…hopefully Grayson will be able to play a reindeer this year instead of a camel…


Nice little zoo here, a little bedraggled in parts, which look like they could use a bit of development, which I presume will happen now that Bristol is closed. Looking forward to seeing how it develops over the next few years…


Anyways, Gelada Baboon enclosure, very nice, baboons braving the cold to put on a show for their adoring fans…Alaska loved them, waving like crazy and calling to them…one of them even turned, gave her a quick thumbs up and winked at her…next week on ‘the primate whisperer’, high fiving a Gorilla.


On to Bear Woods…this is such a cool part of the zoo…literally taking you back time to see animals the used to live wild here in the UK…no idea how they managed to make a working Time Machine, but god damn it, it worked!!!…guess that’s where their budget went??!!?…


Lynx, Wolverine, Wolves and my favourite…Bears!!! Walking through the enclosures on suspended platforms to have a Birds Eye view of the animals…and these enclosures a massive!!!…we all had a great time walking around here…well, until Alaska decided to really show us how a hangry 2 year old red head acts when she’s a little bit hungry….crickey Looloo, I saw shades of her Aunty paigey in there…think of the Incredible Hulk mixed with Cocaine Bear…that was Hangry Alaska…you know, minus turning green and actually doing Cocaine…that would be a little bit frowned upon I imagine.


My good it’s bloody cold today, let’s get indoors and get something to eat…only one slight problem though, the main place to eat didn’t have a warm indoor area at all…it’s all outdoors…bloody hell…hopefully the pizza will keep us warm; if Alaska will let me get near it!!! There is a redeeming feature mind, the seating is right next to the Cheetah enclosure which means that every now and again a Cheetah will come past and join you for dinner…kinda felt like the Dine with Shamu experience in Seaworld, but less frowned upon and much cheaper…


Delicious pizza to be fair…well from what I could tell from the single slice I was allowed…hungry, pizza loving kids don’t make for good sharing partners…they did let me eat some crusts that they didn’t like though…how generous…


Come on then, off to Africa to see some Giraffe and Zebra…oooo a photo op…a jeep for the kids to play and have a picture…bloody free for all for this mind, kids had to royal rumble it for the opportunity for a quick  pic in front of the jeep…yeah kids it’s finally your turn…all of a sudden Stone Cold Steve Austin’s music hits and some other little fucker jumps in the seat in front of Gray and Loo…little dick!!! Had to stop Jordan from opening a can of whoop ass on his father…he must have seen the incoming choke slam, from Jo because he eventually dragged his kids away to wait their damn turn…anyways, few shit photos later and we’d won a moral victory…go team Fletch!!!


Quick warm up in the Giraffe house….ahhh I can finally feel my hands….please don’t make me go back into the cold…annnnnnddd we’re back outside again…why can’t they have more indoor areas?? 😭…


Cool little lemur walk through…just wish people understood the purpose of a double door system…like literally, how is it such a difficult concept? The kids understand it…and Grayson even gets quite militant with it…good for you kiddo!! Lovely staff member working in the lemur enclosure, taking time to chat to Gray and Alaska about the lemurs and answering their crazy questions and queries….and avoiding the questions about why the lemurs enjoyed licking their own bums!!!…bloody kids!!


Another half hour or so around here, and we were done…it’s a lovely place, and I hope it gets updated more imminently with Bristol Zoo being closed, but nothing had been updated since last time we came…nevertheless…the kids had a good time here…well in between Alaskas mood swings (didn’t think that was supposed to happen until she’s was at least in her teens).


Still early though, and since Cribs Causeway Mall is literally opposite…it’s time for a little shopping!!!…Cool as hell Wallace and Grommet shop here…some awesome statues for Grommet and the penguin-chicken, and some cool activities for the kids…couldn’t resist a photo op with Wallace either…ahhh right in the childhood.


Oooo a fountain…which for some reason inherently acts like a magnet for small change…kids love chucking money in them for some reason, and of course Gray was in desperate need to piss away some Jordan’s hard earned pennies…make a wish Gray…ooo, what did you wish for bud…”I wished for Mammy to go away”…ah fuck sake Gray!! …. He was pretty sorry after a while and amended his wish a little later…”I want mammy to come back…and to have a big toy”…umm that’s a little more normal buddy, thanks for that…jokes on him though, everyone knows if you tell people your wish it won’t come true…and sure enough, the toy store was closed…call it Karma I guess.


Bit more pottering, very little shopping apart from a few milkshakes and a coffee, and here comes Loo tantrum part deux…no idea what’s got into her today, guess she was still fuming about missing out on Bluey last week and decided to take it out on us…nothing a Millshake can’t handle though…eventually…ahh I love you little Loo, but please don’t make this a habit…Gray was decent to be fair, and I’m his own words…”I wasn’t perfect, but I’ve been good”….yeah 40% is a pass bud, you’re ok.


Not far to travel home this week luckily, quick pitstop to pick up magtastic, and a a maccas for tea, and family day is done for another week….who knows where we’ll be off to next week, but as always, I’m looking forward to it :)

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