Another Sunday off?! Oh what to do…FOLLY FARM!!! Hell yes, our favourite local zoo is back open on weekends for the winter, and it’s about time we made our way back. Yes it’s wet, windy and miserable, but who doesn’t love a chill afternoon in a zoo?!
Perfect opportunity for us to pick up a new annual pass too…we’re very lucky, it’s only a 40 minute drive from our house so it means we can pop in for a few hours here and there and the kids burn some energy off…in theory. In reality the kids seem to have an endless supply that is only built when running about like madmen like some form of human dynamo…God help us!!
After a very lazy morning where Gray and Alaska (and Jo) treated themselves to a lie in we were off on our travels for the day. Quick stop in Tesco for a refuel and picnic pickup, and then to the zoo. Grayson was convinced that I had managed to score some free ‘gas’ as I had used pay at pump rather than face a human cashier, and fair play to him, lasted until the end of the day before grassing me up to Jo. Nice one kid, good to see your morals would finally kick in eventually. Maybe a little late, but at least they are there. Win!
I digress, come on gang, lets get a few hours at the zoo and pick up our passes. Bloody annual pass desk just had to be at the back of the massive entrance/exit/gift shop doesn’t it!! Its almost as if they like watching kids nag for crappy toys whilst their parents dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge (10 points if you got the reference) them through it all without submitting to the relentless barrage. Yep of course Gray and Alaska were no different, perhaps even worse than average…but we survived round one…we still had the exit to traverse yet. Ahh that’s a problem for future Dean.
Right, 4 passes please, me and the rabble are gonna be here a bit. I could almost feel a collective groan of the staff as several began handing their notices in at the thought of having the phrases ‘Grayson stop messing’, ‘Alaska put it back’ repeated over and over across a 12 month period. Or was that just me and Jo? They’re the best kids really.
‘Smack my bum Mam!’…Damn it Gray, stop it with your weird kinks!! ‘Come on Alaska, smack my bum!!’ bloody hell Gray you aren’t right. You know we legally can’t do that right (not that we ever would either), is this some weird next level mind game you’re playing on us Gray?? We’re used to him being strange; being strange is a family trait (if anyone knows Mikey or Anya you’d agree), but the woman at the desk looked bewildered…something that spurred Grayson on…never spur on Grayson, he loves the attention more than a pantomime Villain. Oh yes he does!!!
Pushing past the awkwardness, it was picture time, ya know, incase we try to smuggle my 31 year old sister in under the guise of a 3 year old. Nice smiles from Jordan and myself, you know cos we were enjoying the day…some peculiar poses from Grayson, and a death stare from Alaska…God knows what the picture lady had done to upset Little Loo…but I fear her days are numbered.
Right, moving on…First stop, Tropic Trails. It was bloody cold today so we were grateful for a quick stop in the Amazon. We are such badasses that we even went in through the out door. Yeah that’s just our level of badass, we won’t break the law, but we’ll traverse the boundaries of morality. Sloths and bats are always a winner for us, and a few crocs chucked into the mix for good measure. Not like an animal battle royale, they were in separate enclosures. They save the animal battle royale for select after hours zoo events: Zoomageddon!!!...
Fresh from the Tropic Trails Royal Rumble, it was time to hit up the vintage funfair. Back to a time where Elvis rules the world and rides had no safety mechanisms….ahh the good old days. This place is awesome mind, some really good vintage rides and games for the kids to enjoy, with a HUGE indoor play area that Gray and Alaska absolutely love messing about in.
Quick stop off for a spot of lunch before hurtling around the play area. Damn I’m getting too old for chasing the kids around. Gray is like a madman, and his little sister has to always try get one up on him. He climbs the stairs, she climbs the netting, he slides down the slides, she slides down the handrails. Mad kids mun, but so good to see them enjoying themselves. It did all take a turn for the worse mind when Alaska pissed off down a slide and in my haste to chase her to the bottom, I accidentally kicked a kid in the face. Sorry kid, but don’t you know to be aware of a 36-year-old man’s flailing legs? Damn what do parents teach their kids these days? I did feel bad mind, but I quickly changed my mind when they decided to join me and the kids in a slide race and beat me…you know what, I take it all back!!
Quick 10k back to the only on-site cash machine (why the hell is there not one closer to the token booth?) to get some coins to exchange for tokens…I felt like Harry Potter on his first visit to Gringotts!! No sooner had I found my vast fortune were the kids determined to piss it away (I’m telling you, if I win the lottery I will not be telling the kids for at least a few days; I’d like to savour it for a bit). Straight onto the Austin Car Ride to hit break neck speeds of what I assume was 1mph. Give Dom Toretto a call, these kids ready for Fast 11!!
Alright guys, who’s up for the dodgems??!! Yeah!!! Me and Alaska were primed to give Jo and Gray a battering… only to be foiled by Alaska lack of height. Damn it, it appears height regulations were a thing even back in vintage funfair times. Sorry Loo Loo, maybe you’ll grow within the year. Off you go with Mammy to ride the Carousel, me and Gray got a date…a date with DESTRUCTION!!!!
So there we were, primed and ready to cause absolute carnage. Gray had been smack talking everyone in the queue to ride. I gonna smash you like a burger!!...hmm, we probably need to work on your trash talk kid. Right, despite your embarrassing trash talk, I’m with you bud…you point, I’ll shoot. Well, that was the plan until I found that every other car was driven by kid. Damn it, I can’t smash into kids wildly without suffering judgement from the onlooking parents. I swear one of the dad’s looked at my dead in the eyes and ran his thumb across his throat. Message received, we’d play cannon fodder for fear of being chased off the ride with torches and pitchforks. Sorry Gray Gray, brace yourself, its gonna be a bumpy ride. We did get some sneaky bumps in here and there mind…see, total badasses!!
We got off just in time to catch up with Alaska and Jo who had been more traumatised by carousel than me and Grayson. It appears the time accurate funfair rides did not come equipped with safety harnesses for the carousel, which caused Jordan to cling to Alaska for dear life, only for the attendant to notice and send them round again for extra laughs. Cheers bud, think Jordan now has PTSD, you should have seen her at the round about on the way home.
Great to see the kids were hitting all the thrill rides today mind; Muffin the Mule, the Carousel, Dodgems and the Austin car ride, prepping for Velocicoaster and Tron in September. After the Carousel, Velocicoaster would feel like kids ride.
You know you’ve parented right when the ride concludes and Alaska decides to leave with another family. Damn it Loo, stranger danger mun. I know you had a thing for their kid, but you cant just hold his hand and walk off with him. Pull yourself together!! Following Alaska’s brief foray, they decided that the Ghost train was too much and we left to look around the rest of the zoo.
Pretty green eyes was blasting as we left, the fairground clearly reminiscing of the days of youth and clubbing at the old vintage funfair…Gray was cracking out some class dance moves as some the fair was plunged into darkness, smoke transcended the ground and a strobe cracked on in the distance as a DJ podium arose from the organ...Time to leave, this is getting trippy.
Quick look at Grandma’s favourite animals. “I could live without any animals in the world…apart from Penguins, I love Penguins”. Cool story Grams, high praise indeed. Lucky she wasn’t in charge of the arc ey? Yes we love the Penguins, even if the sneaky penguin sneaky little buggers kepts scaring the hell out of Gray by ‘sneaking up on him’. You mean swimming up the glass Gray? Yea, sneaky little buggers…creeping in plain sight.
Fresh from Graysons brush with a Myocardial Infarction, it was on to hear about Jordan’s new fantasy of grooming the mane of Hugo the Lion. Go for it Jo, not sure our life insurance will cover ‘Mauled by Lion whilst attempting the brush his hair’, but you do what you need to do.
Grayson had a brief half hour of being an absolute minge and running off like a dog off a lead to go to the play area, only for him to hide from me in the maze…absolute dick. I love him, but he really knows how to set my anxiety off. Fresh from my brush with a Myocardial Infarction (I worry who was next), we had a visit to the Meerkats and binturong (I know, I know, we see them enough at home, but its always great to see new groups), and then on to see the Asian adventure and Rhinos. Always great to see them, and a nice walk around the park.
It was getting quite late by now and almost time to go home, so a good time for Jordan to break out some bubbles (not champagne, actual bubbles) for the kids to mess around with (and subsequently to see the animals chase). The kids wrested each other for the bubble wand like vape addicts waiting for their next hit whilst we were treated to the family behind us discussing the merits of how the Red Ruffed Lemurs made it to the Island in the middle of a huge lake, and that they must have employed their amazing swimming abilities to get there. Bloody hell!!
Time to reignite my anxiety with the trip through the gift shop – where the kids wanted all manner of shit. Fortunately Jordan managed to talk them into a small gift each, thank god, my anxiety levels couldn’t take a stuffed animal style pillow fight.
It was then time to get back into the car and head home. We had a really fun day out, and we all had a fantastic time. Happy Sunday 😊
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